Saving Us Page 5

  Instinctively, I placed my hand on my belly. "I guess good. We have our first sonogram next week. Conner thinks it’s going to be a boy."

  She placed her hand on my belly. "Conner thinks he knows everything."

  "Because I do!" He added.

  Miss Karen looked over at her son and shook her head "Hardheaded, that's what you are. Go show Amy where ya'll are sleeping so she can put her stuff in there."

  Conner led me back to his bedroom. It was weird seeing how he lived before he moved to North Carolina. I sat my purse down on his double sized bed and sat down. Shelves filled the walls and sitting on top of each one were old antique tractors. There were two posters on the back of his door of two naked pin-up models. I tried not to cringe at the thought of what he may or may not have done while looking at them. Conner sat my larger bag next to his dresser and sat down on the bed next to me. He caught my eye just as I was turning away from the posters.

  "Yeah, I reckon I should take them down." He stood up and walked over to the door. Before he could say anything, his mother came in.

  She put her hands on her hips. "Conner Healy! Amy, I am so sorry dear. I thought I got them all. I guess I never looked at the back of his damn door." She grabbed the posters out of his hand and started crumpling them up. He made a face like she was killing his best friend. She said something under her breath as she walked out of the room.

  "She said she thought she got them all. Was there more?"

  He took his hat off and scratched his head, while he smile answered the question. "A few."

  I laughed and laid down on the bed. When I did, I could see a square from where a poster had been on his ceiling. "My God, were they all naked?"

  He shrugged his shoulders and jumped on the bed next to me. His finger traced my lips. "Does it make you jealous?"

  I don't know why, but it did. I wasn't about to admit that to him. "No way!"

  "Blaze, you're pretty damn sexy yourself. How about I pin up a naked picture of you on my ceiling?"

  I smacked his chest as he fell into me laughing. "Since I sleep in bed with you, I would say that you don't need that."

  I stood up when I saw a bunch of pictures on his mirror. There were a bunch of Conner with people I didn't recognize, and most of them were with females. Blonde, gorgeous, young females.

  He stood up and walked up behind me. I felt his hands reaching around my waist. "That's my past, Blaze."

  I hoped it was the truth. Never in my years of marriage with Rick had I ever cared about losing him, the way I cared about losing Conner. If he left me for another woman, I would be devastated. I looked at him through the mirror. "I know."

  A little later, we were headed to the cemetery to pay respects to his father. The boys were being cranky, so Mrs. Karen decided to wait and go with Ty and Miranda once the boys had their naps.

  Bella had already disappeared to Colt and Van's house. She was so excited to see Noah that she barely spent a second with her grandmother.

  As we pulled into the cemetery I could almost see Conner's demeanor changing. My tough man was putting up a shield as the emotions of losing his parent was all being reminded. It took him a couple minutes to locate his headstone. We parked fairly close and started walking through the grass to reach where his father had been buried. It wasn’t anything fancy. It had his name, his birthday and the date he died. I reached out and intertwined my fingers with Conner's. Even when I squeezed them tighter, he kept his still. He stared at that stone, then finally crouched down to be face to face with it. I crouched down beside him and watched him take his free hand and trace the part that read 'beloved father'.

  "I wish you could have met him, Amy. He would have liked you. Hell, he liked damn near everyone." Conner let go of my hand and sat down on his butt. I sat down beside him and put my arm inside of his.

  "I can still remember the way he smelled when he came home from work every night. Ain't that crazy?" Conner obviously missed his father so much.

  "No, I think it is those type of things that allow us to hold on. I can still remember running around the hardware store and the way the old wood floors sounded. It always smelled like sawdust, or that burnt kind of smell when wood is being cut." I heard him sniffling and hugged him tighter. "I'm sure he's somewhere looking down at you. I bet he's excited about you being a daddy."

  Conner patted on my arm. He looked me right in the eyes. I could see that his were more wet than normal. "You mind givin' me a few minutes alone?"

  Okay, I shouldn't have gotten my feelings hurt and maybe it was my pregnant hormones, but I felt like, at that moment, he was pushing me away. There wasn't anything he couldn't share with me.

  I climbed up and went to lean against the car while he had his moment. I watched Conner sitting there with one hand on that headstone. I knew he was getting emotional and maybe he felt ashamed that I would see him that way. It was no secret that he and Miranda loved their father. I'd seen Conner upset before, so it made no sense why he would want me to walk away.

  Thinking I was just being irrational, I got back into the vehicle and waited for him to be finished. Neither of us said a single word to each other the whole ride back to the ranch. It was extremely unusual and for the first time since we'd made a real commitment, I felt shut out.

  Chapter 8

  Conner

  This was my least favorite day out of every year since that very day I'd lost my father. Had it not been for my mother, I wouldn't put myself through the pain of visiting my father's grave every damn year. It wasn't like I wanted to forget about him; I just hated looking at that rock, knowing his dead body was in the ground beneath it.

  I remembered when I'd been to his grave last year. Afterwards, I headed straight to the bar and drowned my pain in liquor. Amy and I weren't really anything at the time. Sure, I'd met her, but she wanted nothing to do with me. I'd been a cocky prick to her on our first couple encounters. I was lucky she hadn't kicked me in the balls. Luckily they still worked fine, because my little boy was steady growing inside of her.

  That's another thing that really bothered me. I hated knowing that my kid would never meet my father. He would never sit on his lap and get that special feeling like when they’re with their pop. Ty's father enjoyed those grandkids so much. I know my dad would have been the same way. I wondered if Colt felt that way about his father, every time he looked at Noah and Christian.

  Allowing Amy to see me that vulnerable wasn't an option. She needed to see me as someone who would do anything to keep her safe, not a damn pussy. I appreciated that she gave me time to myself on the way back to the ranch. She stared out the window and never even said a word to me. Maybe she was just enjoying the Kentucky scenery. Either way, she was content and I could get my shit together without a third degree.

  Amy laid down as soon as we got back to my mother's house. I didn't want to disturb her, so I headed down to Colt's to hang out until she called me. Noah and Bella were taking string and tying it around all the trees around the house. It was like they were trying to fence themselves in. "What are you two up to now?"

  Noah kept working on tying a knot. "We are fixin' to keep out the witches."

  "The what?"

  Bella looked over at me and put her hands on her hips. "Uncle Conner, the witches live in the woods. They steal little boys at night, so we are setting up traps to keep my brothers safe."

  I checked one of the lines. "Looks good. So how did you hear about the witches?"

  "We heard my mom talking about it. She said it was very scary," Noah explained.

  I had no idea why Van would talk about witches in front of her son. He had to be mistaken. "Noah, did your mom tell you this herself?"

  "No, I heard her telling Aunt Miranda. I told Bella and she is helping me protect the family. I don't want any witches takin' my cousins away at night. The woods is scary and they won't have any clean diapers or nothin'."

  I was trying not to laugh. I helped him secure one line to another tree before headi
ng in to find out from the adults what was going on. I'd no sooner walked in when I saw Ty attacking Van with a can of cool whip.

  "Stop it, Ty! I mean it. Get off of me."

  Ty had her pinned.

  Miranda and Colt sat in the kitchen and watched their spouses acting like children. As Van tried her hardest to free her hands, Ty sprayed the cool whip all over her face. You couldn't see her eyes or nose. She kept spitting it out as she tried to breathe and scream at the same time. "I hate you!"

  "You know you like it. Ask Miranda how much she loves Ty sundaes."

  "I know all about your dumb sundaes. You're disgusting!" She continued to try to free her hands.

  I decided to stay out of it. No matter where we were, the two of them would always get into trouble. My sister was in the kitchen feeding Jake. He was wearing his little blue tractor hat like always. It was easier to tell the twins apart when they wore them. Jax had a green one. He'd learned to take his off though. "Hey. Where's Amy?"

  I sat down next to my sister and kissed the top of her head. "She's at mom's takin' a nap. I think she's worn out from the ride or somethin'. She was real quiet at the cemetery."

  "She better be up to a nice dinner. We're all goin' out for steaks later." Miranda shoveled another bite of something green into my nephew’s mouth. He smiled as I scrunched my face up. It looked nasty, but he kept eating it anyway.

  Colt cleared his throat. When I looked in his direction, I saw he was holding Christian. She had a pacifier in her mouth and was playing with a strand of her own hair, while her head rested against her father's chest. "Daddy's little girl, I see."

  Colt kissed his daughters head. "That she is. Just wait until you have one of your own. You'll see. You can't help but love them."

  Just then, Ty came back into the kitchen. His hat was off his head and his clothes were all wrinkled from wrestling. "You can't help but want to have meat like mine?"

  Colt and I looked at each other and pretended that we didn't hear him. Giving Ty attention only fueled him. "I'm having a boy."

  My sister chimed in. "You don't know that for sure."

  "Yeah, I do. It's goin' to be a boy."

  Everyone just shook their heads. "Dude, I love my boys, but I gotta tell you, there ain't nothing like seeing your daughter look into your eyes and knowing you are the only man in her life. Tell him Colt."

  Colt looked from Ty, then back to me. "I hate to admit this. He's right, though. Boys grow up to be tough, but our little girls always need their daddy to protect them. I always want to be her hero. Just wait."

  "Yeah, it has to be a boy. I'm sure of it."

  Van walked into the room still wiping her face off. She tossed a towel towards Ty. "Thanks to you, I have to go up and get another shower. I have this crap all in my hair."

  "Does it take you extra time since your belly is so giant?" Ty backed up against the counter as he said it. He knew she was going to kick his ass.

  "I am not fat. Take it back!"

  He continued to laugh, even as she approached him. We all watched Van get up in his face. She grabbed his cheeks and squished them together. The more Ty laughed, the more angry she got. He knew she couldn't physically hurt him, so he kept taunting.

  Finally, she pushed away from him and walked out of the kitchen. Ty leaned down and wiped off his son's face with the rag. "Tell Mommy to stop getting you dirty. You need to look good for all those little hot toddler chicks."

  The twins were going to grow up thinking they were God's gift to women. Sometimes, I found it ironic how everyone had always said that about us guys too. I guess it was a vicious circle.

  I only stayed at Colt's for about a half hour before they all started to get hungry and request that I go get ready for supper. Amy was in the shower when I got back to my mom's house. I slipped into the bathroom and removed my clothes. She screamed when I opened the curtain at first, but calmed down once she saw that it was me. I grabbed the soap and started washing her back. "How was your nap?"

  She shrugged and leaned her body against mine. "Fine. How are you?"

  "I'm fine, Blaze. Why would you even ask that? I'm always fine." I didn't feel like talking about my father, or the reason that we were in Kentucky in the first place. I'd come and done what I needed to do. That was the end of it.

  "I was worried about you, that's all."

  "There ain't nothin' for you to worry about. Just drop it, alright?" I felt bad for being a dick, but I wanted her to shut up. I wasn't going to let myself be vulnerable in front of her. It wasn't going to happen.

  "Fine, geesh, you don't have to be mean."

  I rinsed off my hair and climbed back out of the shower without saying a word. I had a chip on my shoulder and didn't feel like talking.

  By the time Amy came out of the bathroom, I was already dressed and heading out into the living room. I just wanted to get with all my family so that she wouldn't bring it up in private. Amy was the only person in my life that could make me emotional about things. I loved that she was special like that, but hated that it was possible.

  I could tell she was annoyed with me, so I struck up a conversation with John about hunting. The women climbed in the backseat of the car and we headed to the restaurant.

  The place where we had planned to eat was like a bar and grill. It was also a popular hangout of my past. Since we came from a small town, it was almost certain that I would see some old friends. The tension was building up knowing that I hadn't seen any of them since I was using drugs. I hadn't even kept in touch with anyone after meeting Amy. She's consumed my life and made me never want my old life again. Still, the fear of seeing them was getting to me.

  We were seated at a large table in the center of the place. Amy was sitting next to me, at first, but then Bella had a fit and wanted her to sit with her. After we order our food, I saw a group of people sitting at the bar. I slouched down in my seat when I realized who they were. Three out of the four girls I had slept with. Two of my mudding buddies were standing around behind them with beers in their hands. I needed to change seats so they couldn't see me.

  It was too late. From across the room, I heard my name being called out. When I looked up I saw my friends approaching the table. Matt reached out his hand. "Long time no see, dude. When did you get back?"

  "I'm here visitin’ with family."

  Parker patted me on the shoulder. "It's good to see you, man."

  "You too."

  Amber, a blonde with hair down to her ass, pushed her way through the two guys. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. "Why didn't you call me when you got back? We need to hang out. Shelby is having a party at her daddy's barn. You should come by. It's goin' to be so much fun."

  I knew Amy was watching and because she knew me so well, I also knew that she was probably figuring that I’d been with this chick. Amber had always been a good time. On her inner thigh she had a tattoo that said 'the fun starts here'. She wasn't exactly quiet about being adventurous and always lived up to the hype too.

  "Yeah, I can't this time."

  "Oh, please change your mind. You know it would be just like old times."

  I heard a fork drop loudly on the table and turned around to see my sister standing up. "Hey Amber, have you met my brother's girlfriend Amy? We're here celebrating the fact that he's goin' to be a daddy. He left town and fell in love. Ain't that great?"

  My sister hated Amber and her herd of bitchy friends. I knew what she was doing. This wasn't really for me or Amy, it was for her own personal amusement. Still, Amber looked from me then over to Amy. She cocked her eyebrow and turned her attention back to me. "Well, you know where to find us if you change your mind. We all know how fickle you can be."

  They walked away, but the damage was done. I was afraid to even turn around.

  Chapter 9

  Amy

  This trip wasn't going the way I wanted it to. Conner was being distant and I felt like he was pushing me away. Then we go out to have a nice di
nner and this group of his apparent friends come up and invite him out. It was like he had forgotten about me sitting there at the table for a second. The way she put her hands around the back of him made me crazy mad. If it wasn't for Miranda, I may have made a fool out of myself over it. I needed to calm down. He was in his hometown. He was going to run into people he knew. Although, I couldn't help but wonder if he had history with the girl.

  I felt my blood boiling at the way she reacted when Miranda announced who I was and that we were expecting. My stomach started to feel upset, so I stood up to head to the restroom. Conner came up behind me and spun me around, just before I reached the ladies room door. "Blaze, it ain't like you're thinkin'."

  "Guilty conscious?"

  He scrunched up his face. "I would have introduced you myself."

  I cocked my eyebrow and felt myself getting defensive. "Are you sure about that? I didn't even see you look back at me until your sister spoke up. Maybe you don't want any of your friends knowing you have me back at home."

  He pressed me against the paneled wall. "Don't say that. It ain't true and you know it. You know what's important to me."

  "Do I? Maybe you should have left me home so you could hang out with your old friends. Is that what you call it here? Is it called hanging out, or hooking up?" His eyes got huge. When he turned around to calm down, I slipped into the bathroom. Knowing he was probably coming in, I locked myself in a stall and started to cry. I hated being over-emotional. I wasn't the type of person to be that way in public. When I heard the bathroom door open, I shook my head. "Conner, just go away. I don't feel like talking to you right now. Just go out tonight and have a good time like I know you want to."

  A female started laughing. "At least you know what the man really wants."

  I'd had just about enough of this bitch. I kicked open the stall door and looked right at her. "I think you must have me mistaken. I'm not one of those girls who gets offended by shit jealous bitches say. You don't know anything about me and Conner."