Love's Suicide Page 8

  When I got to the elevator I watched the doors open and saw Melissa standing there. She’d changed her clothes and came walking out smelling like she’d even showered. “Oh my God. Are you alright?”

  I wiped my face. “Yeah. Branch just upset me, that’s all. Just wedding drama. I’m fine, really.”

  “Do you want me to come back to the room?”

  She was going to be with Brooks. I knew it and I couldn’t do anything about it. I needed to get away from her and everyone else before my heart exploded out of my chest. “I’m fine. I’m going to take a walk and then go to bed.”

  She kissed me on the cheek and got all giddy. “Wish me luck. I’m going for it.”

  The elevator doors closed as she started walking towards Brooks’ room.

  I hit the button to the top floor and sank to the bottom of the elevator, unable to hold myself up. I knew it was going to be impossible to calm down before morning and without my parents I felt like I was all alone. For the first time in a long time I needed them to hold me and tell me what to do.

  I don’t know how I found it, but I made it to the rooftop and ignored the signs telling me that it was for employees only. The brisk air hit my face, and I covered my body with my arms. The little lights brightened the skyline, and I walked close to the edge of the building to get a better view. From afar I could see the Pentagon.

  That’s when I fell to the ground and began to weep.

  Without the twins I was completely alone. Sure, I had Walt and Danica, but they’d never be my parents. I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I was being irrational, or that I should follow my heart, no matter what the cost.

  I was so empty that I wanted to close my eyes and never wake up. Love had ripped apart, so much that I was considering not going on at all.

  It was a shame that imagining ending my life was better than hurting the two people in the world that I loved the most.

  Chapter 10

  I don’t really know how long I’d been lying on the freezing cold rooftop, nor did I hear anyone approaching, but there he was, crouched down in front of me.

  I looked up at Brooks and tried to wipe the snot off of my face. “How did you find me?”

  He shook his head and looked around. “Well, it’s not exactly a tree house, but I figured you’d run to high ground. You always did.”

  I sat up and watched him remove his jacket and wrap it around my back. “It’s freezing up here, Kat.”

  “I know. I don’t care.” I looked away from him. “Where’s Melissa? I figured you’d be all over that.”

  He knelt down across from me and put his hands on his knees. “You would assume that. Look, I never said I wanted to sleep with her. I told her that maybe we could hang out. Honestly, I figured she’d get so drunk that she’d pass out and forget I said it.”

  “So where is she?”

  “I don’t know. She showed up and knocked and I thought it was you. When I saw her standing there, talking about how much of a mess you were, I told her to get lost; in a nice way, of course.”

  “She’s probably looking for me.”

  “She thinks you ran to Branch to make amends, because you have that motto where you never go to bed angry.”

  I wanted to laugh. That motto had been thrown out the door months ago. “Yeah, I don’t really care about that anymore. In fact, I don’t really care about anything anymore.”

  I put my head down between my knees and tried to calm down.

  “You look like shit.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

  “No, I mean I’ve never seen you look so upset. Is it because of me? I didn’t mean to be so harsh with you. I just couldn’t let things happen between us. You understand, right?”

  I shrugged, even though I did understand. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Branch will make you happy.”

  I kept looking down. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yeah, I do. It’s his life’s mission to love you more than I do. So I figure that as long as I still love you, he’ll worship the ground you walk on.”

  I looked up at Brooks and tried to stay serious, even though in the midst of the horrible mess I was in I wanted to smile. “You just admitted that you still loved me.”

  He reached for my hand and I let him take it. When our eyes met, I felt warmth running throughout my body as if we’d walked inside. “I will never stop loving you, Kat. For as long as I am breathing I will love you with everything I have in me, not because I hope to someday have you, but because nothing could ever make me stop, even you marrying my brother.”

  “You know, you have everyone fooled. They all think you’re the son that they could never count on. It turns out that you’re the most beautiful soul they’ve ever known.”

  We sat there looking at each other for couple seconds, not saying anything.

  Brooks smiled and looked down at the ground before responding. “Don’t go calling me a saint just yet. I’ve been reconsidering that kiss since I let you walk away earlier.”

  It was wrong; so wrong that I would be the scum of the earth for even considering it, and there I was, imagining those soft lips touching mine. It wasn’t just his lips that I wanted touching me either. I wanted all that Brooks could offer me, because once I knew he was the one who’d snuck into my room, I couldn’t stop wanting to experience it again. I wanted to know he was the one touching me and making me feel things that I’d never been able to feel before. The intensity wasn’t because I’d been emotional. It was because it wasn’t Branch.

  “Please don’t hate me for saying this. I’m probably already going to Hell anyway.” I looked down before getting the courage to continue. “The thing is, I’m not married to your brother, not yet at least. If I had one wish in the world, besides seeing my parents one more time, I know what it would be.”

  He smiled, because he already knew what it was. “We can’t, Kat.”

  He was right. I was losing my mind even considering it. “We shouldn’t.” I felt myself leaning into him, so slowly that it was hard to notice.

  “It’s wrong on so many levels.” I could have sworn that he was coming towards me as well.

  “We should probably call it a night then.”

  Our faces were almost touching and I could feel his hot breath touching me. “Yeah, we should.” His lips brushed over mine and I couldn’t help but close my eyes. He smelled liked musky heaven and I wanted so much more than he was giving me.

  “It’s just one kiss, Brooks,” I whispered against his mouth.

  We opened our eyes at the same time, and I’m not really sure whose tongue came out first. They were barely touching, and the electrical surge between us was just as powerful as it had ever been. Then it turned into something that neither of us could control. One kiss was never going to be enough, and I was done trying to fight my feelings for him.

  For the first time in my life nothing mattered to me. I didn’t care about the people downstairs or the fact that we were out in public for the whole world to see. The only thing that was going through my mind was being with Brooks and feeling all of the love that he had for me pouring through the both of us.

  His ravenous kisses set me on fire as the blaze igniting from our lips was traveling down between my legs. We were no longer leaning in to kiss each other. He’d grabbed me and sat me on his lap. I wrapped my exposed legs around him and felt the heat building between us. His lips were on my neck, while I gave his hand free reign to touch whatever he wanted.

  I closed my eyes and pictured it going further before it was even happening. Our lips met again and I ran my hands underneath of his shirt. His hot chest was smooth and a small patch of hair was at the top. I tugged on it the next time he kissed me and he growled something under his breath as he pulled away.

  We kissed again. “We should stop.”

  I lifted his shirt over his head. “Five more minutes.” We kissed again, mingling our tongues together.

  My dress was pulled up to
my ribs and he started rubbing the base of my panties. My pussy was throbbing to be touched. He slid them over and ran the back of his hand over my smooth lips. I’d gotten a wax just a day before in preparation for my wedding night.

  I put that thought in the back of my mind and buried it.

  This moment was for Brooks. Nothing was going to stop us.

  He looked down and watched himself touching me. I caught my breath seeing him watching his fingers sliding inside of my hot sex. His thumb worked magic on my clitoris and our mouths met again, allowing our harmonizing tongues another opportunity to play.

  The air may have been cold and the roof wasn’t an ideal place, but I felt none of it, because I was on fire. He was inside of me, moving his fingers in and out and I rocked my body against them, trying to get them to go deeper. I reached to the side and started unbuttoning his pants. He froze and looked into my eyes, while leaning my head into his. “We need to stop.”

  I fought for another kiss. “Don’t you want me?”

  He kissed me and pulled away again. “I’ve got two fingers inside of you, on the roof of a building. My dick is going to rip out of my pants, and you’re asking me if I want you.” He leaned in and let our lips meet. I felt his tongue brushing over my bottom lip. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” I didn’t wait for permission. The button came apart, and I reached down inside of his pants until I felt the smooth skin of his erection against the palm of my hand. From that instant I don’t think he could have stopped me. I stroked him and looked into those blue eyes that were catching the lights of the building next to us. He closed them, enjoying the way it felt to have me doing it to him.

  When he knew he couldn’t stand it much longer, he grabbed my arm, causing me to stop. “How far are we going to take this, Kat?”

  I pulled my hand out of his pants and stood up. He sat there, wondering what I was doing, until he saw me pulling off my panties and flinging them off the side of the building as if they were a sling-shot. I looked down at him. “That was the only thing standing between you being inside of me. You can sit there and think of a million reasons why we shouldn’t be together, or you can take me in that stairwell and fuck me like we both know you want to.”

  It was direct, getting my point across without much explanation. Like I’d said before, I’d thrown all my cares out the window and went for what my heart and body wanted. This wasn’t about me being selfish. It was about me feeding a craving that I’d had for as long as I could remember. I’d tried to deny what was in front of me. No matter how hard I’d fought to not want Brooks, it made me want him more. His touch was like nothing I’d ever felt before. Every bone in my body reacted to him, as if I were metal and he was the magnet.

  Brooks stood up and put his shirt back over his head, and then pulled me against him. “I’m not fucking you in that hallway.”

  For a second, I thought he was done risking everything to be with me. As he pulled me toward the door, he finally answered that question. “You’re coming back to my room and I’m making love to you, and this time, you’re going to know it’s me you’re in bed with.” He pulled me toward the elevator and once we were inside, he pulled me against him, placing his lips on mine again. We kissed until the bell dinged and then separated, knowing we couldn’t risk being caught.

  He peeked out of the door to make sure nobody was around and we made a mad dash to his room. Once inside, we both leaned against the door and started laughing. The excitement of sneaking around made what we were about to do even hotter.

  I tossed his jacket off of me and started pulling on his shirt until he let me lift it off of his head. He cupped my breast and pulled down on my dress until my nipple was exposed. I watched him lick it and begin flicking it with his tongue. He sucked on it hard, and I threw my head back against the door, taking a chunk of his hair into my hand. When he finally pulled away, he took his thumb and rubbed it around where his wet saliva glistened on my nipple.

  He pushed me harder against the door and looked into my eyes. Our lips were almost touching and I was fighting his hold on me to be one inch closer for another kiss.

  He started to relax and kissed me, then pulled away. “Are you sure?”

  I nodded. “Are you?”

  “Baby, I’ve never been more sure about anything.”

  When he picked me up and carried me to the bed, I knew that I was selling my soul. Somewhere in my mind, I was aware that being with Brooks was going to ruin my happiness.

  In that moment, I didn’t even care.

  Chapter 11

  Brooks lay next to me naked on the bed. His fingers traced over my lips, my chin and down the whole rest of my body. Our eyes were on each other’s and I could see his love radiating through them.

  I brought my hand up to touch his face. He leaned in, kissing it softly while watching me.

  This isn’t about sneaking around or doing something selfish. He’d been patient, sacrificing his own happiness for mine. Words could never explain how overwhelming it felt to have someone love you so completely that they would do that.

  It’s not just what he’s done. It was the way he loves me; the way his touch makes my skin feel like it’s molten lava. His tenderness gave me chills and with one brush of his fingers, I was offering myself to him, with no regard for anything except being with him in that moment.

  Our kisses were slow, passionate and full of emotions. Tears fell down my cheeks and he kissed each of them away. I’m totally in love with this beautiful man and, at that very instant, he knew that I was giving him my soul.

  The room disappeared around us as his body moved closer to mine. I was aware of his excitement pressing on my leg as I savored his lips over and over. Our bodies moved together, giving a hint of the rhythm that was soon to come.

  He kissed the side of my mouth and his short whiskers tickled me and reminded me that I was not numb of this euphoria. I took mental notes of everything as if being with him heightened all of my senses.

  When his hand traveled between my legs, I gasped, accepting his touch and affection. Brooks drug his lips over my skin, moving slowly down my arm, while brushing my sex lightly on the outside. I could feel his hot breathing as he moved and it caused my nipples to harden, as if the room was cold, but it wasn’t.

  He kissed my hip and I looked down to watch what he had in store next.

  I knew what he was going for; what he wanted to do to me, and my body began to shake. I was in awe of this man and offered him all that I had, without shame or regret. We’d both wanted this for too long, and after denying ourselves that kind of pleasure, we’d lost all self-control.

  Brooks watched his hand rubbing my pussy. His lips separated and I watch as he licked them. He was so close that I could feel the air coming from his mouth.

  He kept his eyes on me and brought his lips to my moist skin. I felt his chin dragging over it and my head fell back, unable to control the overwhelming desire. He was about to lick me, and as I watch his tongue come out of his mouth, I could feel myself beginning to float, as if his pleasing me caused us to levitate in the room.

  Brooks brought me to the brink and then back again. He was skilled in what he did and I’d never felt so satisfied before. His mouth was created for the purpose of bringing me to ecstasy and I was losing myself in it each time.

  When he finished, he kissed his way back up to my lips. I was ready for more, and our first kiss led to me wrapping my weak legs around his back. I could feel his hardness pressing against my sex, begging to be inside. Without him asking, I moved my hips and felt it there, perfectly positioned. My body pressed once more against his and it inched inside.

  Our kisses got harder, and I opened my eyes to watch the waves of pleasure hitting him as if it was his first time ever experiencing a woman. His tightened brow told me that bliss had been found and when our lips stopped touching, he dug his teeth into my shoulder, I knew it was too intense for him to handle.

  I grabbed his face and forced him to look into
my eyes as he pushed himself all the way inside of me. I rocked my body against him by using my legs and feet that were placed around his back. “Don’t stop, Brooks.”

  He kissed me again, this time holding his lips over mine while keeping our eyes in a constant stare. I could feel his trembling over mine and felt the most emotional connection to him. “I love you so much,” he whispered over my lips.

  I reached one hand up and ran it through his short hair. I could feel myself losing control, coming to a moment where I felt like my soul was leaving my body. I clung to him as he brought me to euphoria, again. Then I watched him, losing himself inside of me, filling me with so many years of heartache. I held onto him, not willing to waste any of the love he was filling me with.

  It was beautiful and I knew I’d never experienced anything like it for as long as I would live.

  When we’d rested, it happened again and then once more until the rising sun was peeking through the curtains. I’d given myself completely to Brooks and it had been more than I ever anticipated. Years of pent up feelings rushed through us, until we’d finally stopped fighting it.

  I knew then that my heart belonged to Brooks. It had been him all along, but I was too naïve to let myself admit it. We’d been cheated out of our chance, and once we stopped battling what was right, the truth had set us free.

  Afterwards we lay there naked, wrapped like a pretzel together. The covers had fallen off the bed, but we didn’t need them. The heat still radiated off of us. Brooks brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it a dozen times. I moved it away, touching his face and staring into those blue eyes.

  We’d made beautiful love and had been so caught up in each other. I hadn’t taken a moment to accept that this connection between us was going to end again, before we’d ever have the chance to see how good it could be.

  Then I started to cry.

  Brooks wiped away my tears. “Please don’t do that.”

  “I can’t help it,” I sobbed. “It was a mistake. It was all a mistake.”