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  I felt bad because Lacey had made an effort.

  “I’m really sorry, Shayne. Peyton told me it was fine. I never would have gone had I known you didn’t know about it.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to think of something nice to say to Lacey, so she wasn’t feeling like she’d caused problems. “Look, it’s fine. Just call me first from now on. Ash is going to need friends, but right now she’s got too much on her plate.”

  “I’m really sorry.”

  “No big deal. It’s probably not even the fact that you stopped by. I think she’s a bit overwhelmed. Ever since we got home from the hospital her mother hasn’t been returning her calls. It’s like they’re punishin’ her for havin’ the kids. I tell ya, I hate them so much. If they never talked to us again, it would be too damn soon.”

  “I know you don’t want me involved, but if you need help, or better yet, if Ashley needs help, I’m there.”

  “I appreciate it. I’m actually going to see if Peyton can help for the next couple of weeks. After this stunt she owes me.”

  We said our goodbyes and hung up before she could apologize again. I had a feeling that it was one of my sister’s bright ideas. She was always butting herself into other people’s business. Most times there would be drama. It pissed me off to no end that she’d done it to Ashley on her first day home alone.

  My father tried to call me three times before I arrived back at my apartment. For a few minutes I sat in my car and gathered my thoughts. I wasn’t really rushing home because Lacey had stopped by. The real reason I was home was because there was no place else that was more important for me to be. This was my family and they needed me.

  Chapter 6

  Ashley

  I tried not to cry, but every time I thought about my life that’s exactly what I did. Not only was I responsible for these two little angels, but I was living a lie with Shayne and I felt horrible about it. For someone that was trying to win over his family again, I was already making the same mistakes as before.

  Lies…

  The idea that I couldn’t be trusted hurt me so much. I think when I saw Lacey walk in, acting all innocent, it made me break. I’d never be her. As much as I wanted to, that bridge had already been crossed and there was no way back over it.

  The best I could do was be a good mom and pray to God that nobody would ever learn our secret.

  I heard the door open and saw Shayne walking in. He leaned over and kissed me slowly on the lips, momentarily making me forget the reason I’d been upset. When he pulled away his eyes were still closed. “What are you doin’ here?”

  “I miss you guys. You were here having all kinds of fun without me. It wasn’t fair.”

  “Your father tried to call a couple minutes ago. I didn’t answer, because I thought he was going to want to come by. The house is a mess and I still haven’t had time to get dressed. Your sister and ex came in here and I didn’t even have pants on.”

  Shayne laughed at me. “Baby, you look sexy as hell.”

  I rolled my eyes and wondered how horrible my hair must look. It had been a good week since I’d worn makeup and the extra skin on my body was a constant reminder of how wretched I felt. “Yeah right.”

  He rushed in front of me, kneeling down and grabbing both of my knees. “You need to stop sayin’ that. He lifted my shirt up, revealing my extra flabby stomach. With his index finger, he pointed to my stretch marks. “These represent the nine months that you carried our precious twins. They remind me of being in that hospital room and watching them come into this world. Nothing about these are ugly. You’re a mother and I love that part of you.”

  I started to cry again, but this time it was directly because of his kindness towards me. This man, this beautiful man had never even gotten to have intercourse with me, and he was doing everything in his power to make me happy; to make me feel loved. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep cryin’. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  He wiped the hair away from my face and smiled. “You just had two babies. Your hormones are going awry. It takes time to heal, and I will be there for you, every step of the way.”

  I leaned forward, snotty face and all, and kissed him on the lips again. “Please don’t ever leave me, Shayne. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m so in love with you.”

  “I feel the same way about you, and you need to keep tellin’ yourself that when you think about me wantin’ anyone else. There ain’t nobody that’s ever given me what you have. This is what I want. You’re what I want.” He patted my knees and kissed my nose before pulling away.

  “I overreacted about Lacey. She was just tryin’ to be nice to me. Hell, she probably feels sorry for us.”

  “Lacey’s a nice person. I did a lot of shit to her that she didn’t deserve. Her friendship is important to me, but that doesn’t mean I want her back. If you asked me not to talk to her anymore, I wouldn’t. You’re what’s important to me, and who my future belongs to.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and considered asking him to never talk to her again. It would have made me feel good inside, but only because my own self esteem wouldn’t let me get past that they’d been involved. He’d been inside of her, which is something that still hadn’t happened between us. Shayne and I had yet to consummate our relationship fully because of the circumstance we were in. There were times when I wanted to be with him so bad that I thought I was going to have an orgasm when he touched me. I was so jealous that she knew what I’d been missing. Plus, as intense as our foreplay was, I knew it could only lead to something else just as good.

  Still, there was a part of me that knew I couldn’t be that kind of girlfriend to shut Shayne off from his life. I had to learn to trust if I wanted us to work out. “I’m not going to ask you that. She’s your friend and today she was kind to me. She held Eli until he went to sleep. I need to get over it, Shayne.”

  Beka started to fuss and I watched as he rushed over to her bassinet and scooped her up. “Hey pretty girl.”

  Watching him interact with them, with never regarding the fact of not being the man to create them was bittersweet. As happy as I was to have him for a partner, I also felt like he was doing what he thought was right for everyone involved. I mean, I care deeply for Shayne and I know he felt that way about me, too. If I’d ever thought different, after the delivery all of that had changed. His devotion to the twins took our relationship to another level.

  His father continued to blow our phones up until he actually showed up at our front door. I could tell from the look on his face how angry he was, though it suddenly softened when he realized that I answered the door. “Uh, Ashley, I need to speak with my son.”

  I was grateful to have put on shorts and a different t-shirt after Shayne gave me some time alone to shower. “He’s feedin’ Eli.”

  He turned to flash a concerned look on his face. “I thought that was your job.”

  I didn’t know how to take that. Since the twins breast fed so much, we were supplementing formula three times a day. It also benefited us; giving me a little break and him time to be with them in such a one on one situation. “The doctor said it’s perfectly healthy to supplement a couple times a day. She said that new formula has plenty of vitamins that my breast milk could be lacking.”

  “Are you not taking care of yourself? A good mother takes care of her kids.” If he wasn’t Shayne’s dad I would have slapped him in his face, right there and then.

  “I take -”

  Shayne didn’t let me finish. He walked over with Eli still in his arms. “Ash takes care of herself and the twins. Don’t you dare come in here and accuse of her of somethin’ that ain’t true.”

  His dad got all defensive. “Well, I wouldn’t have come if you didn’t walk out of work. Don’t think you’re gettin’ paid for today.”

  Shayne scrunched up his face, but kept his voice low as he spoke. “I need to be here as much as I can, right now. It ain’t easy havin’ two of them.
”

  “I told you that!”

  I was sure that if he wasn’t holding a child he would have choked his dad. Shayne was losing his cool. “You need to walk out that door, get in your car, and go back to the shop. You’re not goin’ to disrespect my girlfriend and the mother of my children, in my home.”

  The way he called me the mother of his children sent chills down my spine. I felt excited and guilty at the same time. It wasn’t as if I’d held a gun to his head and forced him to be with me, but still, he didn’t have to take on a lifelong commitment like he had. I’d never keep the twins from him or his family, well, maybe not him, but definitely his douche-bag dad.

  “You need to get your responsibilities straight, son. How are you goin’ to pay for this place without a job?”

  “For your information I was going to go in later and finish out those two jobs in the shop. Why do you care what time I get it done, as long as it’s sittin’ there waitin’ for the customer in the mornin’?”

  “It’s about more than that, Shayne. I can’t have you makin’ your own hours. Then my other employees are goin’ to think they can do it.” It was almost funny how both men had the same red faces.

  “If you can’t give me a damn brake for a couple of weeks then maybe I should look for somethin’ else. Obviously I can’t do shit right.”

  His dad grabbed the keys out of his pocket before replying. “Good luck gettin’ another job. You sure as hell ain’t goin’ to get a reference from me.”

  He walked out, leaving Shayne standing there shaking his head.

  I went to grab Eli from him, but he lightly shoved me away with his open palm. “It’s all good, Ash. I’ll figure somethin’ out.”

  I hated to be the reason that he was fighting with his family. On top of that, I’d been a jealous redundant idiot earlier in the day, making him come home before he was supposed to. Had I kept my mouth shut none of this would have been happening.

  While walking away I felt like I was the worst thing that ever happened to Shayne. Maybe his dad and mine were right when they told him that staying with me was a mistake.

  Apparently, I was a total fuck-up that didn’t deserve to have the perfect life I was living. If Shayne was smart he’d get out before the twins could remember him ever being there. Eventually, he’d resent me for our life and I didn’t want that. As much as I loved him, and looked forward to our future, I knew I couldn’t keep him. He was never mine to have.

  Chapter 7

  Shayne

  After my dad left I tried to hold in my frustrations to avoid making Ash upset. She was struggling so much with her own emotions that I couldn’t possibly burden her with my own.

  We spent the rest of the day being overwhelmed with two little angels. By the time it was dark both of us were ready to call it a night.

  I want to say it was after the first or second feeding that she pulled me close and wrapped her legs around me in bed. Feeling her close was getting so hard, literally. I wanted her so much, and even though I appreciated her efforts to satisfy me, I craved for more.

  Admittedly, I was jealous that my brother and cousin knew what it was like to be with her completely, while I was the one planning a future with her. I guess in some ways it shouldn’t have bothered me. It wasn’t like she was sleeping with them at the same time. My brother was a one-time mistake, while Ford was her first love, and they were together for years.

  I wanted that with Ashley. I wanted to take away her tears and make her feel like she was never going to be alone.

  Her kisses were powerful and she smelled like she’d gotten up and brushed her teeth, purposely planning this seduction out. Far be it from me to shut her down. I traced my fingers over her hips until I reached the lining to her panties. As soon as my hands were inside of them, feeling the smooth skin of her ass, my dick was rock hard. Like every time we messed around, I was ready to go and knew I couldn’t have it. She’d just given birth and had stitches. It ached in more places than one.

  Still, her ravenous kisses consumed me. With little regard for the next time one of the twins might wake, she straddled my body and lifted off her shirt. Her full, swollen, breasts were within reach and I couldn’t help but touch each nipple, running my palms over the hardened buds.

  Ashley didn’t think she was beautiful. To me, she was more sexy than ever. I’d been there for her worst. I’d witnessed what many never get a chance to experience. Though not all a perfect experience, I’d watch a miracle taking place, making nothing about it grotesque.

  I ran my hands down her sides, tracing where her skin had stretched. It took my mind to the twins. I thought about their own skin, and the way their fingers always had ridges and grooves. I pictured their little eyelashes and their full heads of hair.

  She’d made that and they were here because she loved them. I owed her everything for not going through with an abortion.

  Now, after seeing them, I couldn’t ever want any other outcome. The three of them were my everything. It may have only been months, but my life had changed because I wanted it to. I’d chose to be with them and it was the only thing that had ever felt so right.

  Was I diving into a shark tank?

  Probably.

  But I didn’t want anything else.

  “I want you so bad, Ash. This is killin’ me.”

  She pressed her body against mine and I knew she could feel what I was just talking about. She moaned something that I couldn’t make out, and started turning her body on top of me. Her ass was now grinding hard against my stiff dick. I reached for her hips and guided her, feeling like I could possibly make myself cum from just the friction alone. I tugged down her panties enough to have a full view, watching her ass rubbing over my cock.

  I sat up, moving my hands around to cup her nipple and pull her in for a kiss. She reached her arms back and tugged on my hair as our tongues crashed together. Ash knew what she was doing to me and soon, just like every time recently, she’d climb between my legs and suck me off.

  As much as I used to love that, it was getting redundant. I needed more than that. I needed her. “Maybe we could try it,” she suggested.

  I couldn’t take the chance of tearing her. We had to be rational and wait it out. “No. We have to wait.”

  She continued grinding over me. I groaned, feeling like I was going to explode over her ass. She’d made it clear several times that anal wasn’t an option. Obviously she was fragile. I couldn’t take advantage of that and play out the scenario in my head. It wasn’t going to happen.

  Then she shocked me.

  She moved her body, leaning forward enough for my mouth to start salivating as her perfect ass was right there in my face, glowing from the dim light of the moon coming in the window. “I’m so horny. I can’t wait that long.” Her moaning was turning me on even more, to the point where I was focusing on something non-sexual to avoid erupting all over the place. “Do you promise to be gentle?”

  “I’m not doing that. You’ll bust a stitch.”

  “Not if it’s in my ass.”

  I chuckled, unable to accept that she was giving me permission. “Yeah right. Baby, don’t joke right now. My dick can’t take it.”

  She grinded more as she spoke. “I want it in my ass, Shayne. Please.”

  Oh God. Now she was begging me to fuck her in the ass. How much more torturous could this be for me?

  She scooted her body forward, allowing me to sit and consider her sincerity. I rubbed my face, thinking maybe this was all some dream. We’d been messing around for at least twenty minutes and neither of the twins had made a peep.

  Ash climbed off the bed and let her panties fall to the floor. She climbed back up and kissed me hard before pulling away and looking right into my eyes. “Shayne, I trust you. I know you don’t want to hurt me, but I also know you need more. I want to please you.”

  “Baby, I can wait. We can wait.”

  She shook her head and kissed me slowly, this time feeding her emotions in
to the kiss. “Please.”

  Thinking she’d change her mind as soon as she felt me trying to invade her entrance, I got her in a comfortable position and let my cock press against the base of her little asshole. A tiny cry escaped her lips and I closed my eyes, trying to convince myself that this was justified because she’d asked me to do it. As much as I wanted her, this didn’t feel right.

  Then she took ahold of the situation, literally. She spun around and spit all over my dick, putting it inside those puffy lips and soaking it with saliva. After that spun back around, sticking her ass in the air. I felt myself being pulled, dick first, to penetration. I held onto her hips and moved slowly, entering her tight hole.

  As much as I’d pictured it in my mind, nothing could have prepared me for what it was like to have intercourse, even if it was anal, after so long.

  Ash remained calm, possibly trying to focus on anything but pain. I knew this was something she didn’t care for. This was all for me, not for her, except I didn’t want it to be that way. I wanted her to enjoy this with me, because we were experiencing something for the first time together.

  Halfway in, she let out a single cry. I pulled out, feeling like the moment had ended. Instead, she leaned back, letting me know she was okay. I went slow, again, this time sliding in further.

  I’m not going to lie and say that it didn’t feel amazing, because it certainly did. As Ash relaxed, I started going at a slow-gentle pace. Her cries turned into moans and it took over my senses. We’d held out on this for too long and tensions had built up. She wasn’t just giving me something, she was feeding her own desires, with the only thing she could.

  Our moment didn’t last long. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. So I reached forward and rubbed her pussy, while my body tightened and I exploded all of my pent up frustrations into her ass.

  She made a funny sound when I pulled out of her and fell back onto the bed. We both knew it wasn’t like we’d just made love, but it was the closest we’d ever gotten. Considering her predicament I was grateful. She was making sacrifices to keep me happy, possibly because she feared losing me. I wished there was some way to prove to her that I wasn’t even remotely thinking about going anywhere. There wasn’t another woman in the world that had ever held my interest the way Ash did. It was probably because we were such close friends. We knew each other’s secrets and I felt comfortable with confiding everything in my life with her.