Belong Read online

  “I appreciate it. It’s nice to know I won’t be alone.”

  “We’ll see you tomorrow. Keep your phone on.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I had to hang up before I expected words that may not come out of her mouth, and if she had said them I’d be forced to wonder if they were out of pity.

  I wanted to believe everything was going to be okay with us, but I was done walking around with blinders on. I could tell when Veronica was hiding something, and she certainly wasn’t being very forthcoming.

  Chapter 6

  It didn’t take me long to become agitated. I found myself getting up and wandering the halls of the large home. Pictures hung on every wall, telling the story of my families lives, one by one. There was a room in particular that everyone stayed away from. The only thing that had changed was the hospital bed had been removed and replaced with a regular queen sized. I’d had my mother’s original bed shipped to California when I moved there. It didn’t matter where I lived, that piece of history would always remain with me. It was one of the only things I had of hers, so naturally I cherished it.

  The door creaked open as I entered. The light switch to the room was easy to locate. I remember being too small to reach it without getting on my tippy toes. Now it seemed low and out of place. I headed over to her vanity, still filled with pictures of me as a small child. I tugged one out of the seam of wooden trim and held it closer. My parents, so young and full of life, were both looking down at me. I was holding a toy car and smiling with my two front teeth missing. The next picture I pulled from the mirror was one of me and my grandparents. Seeing my grandfather younger and healthy was difficult. He’d withered away until there was nothing left. His body had deteriorated from the inside, much like my mother’s had.

  I couldn’t imagine watching my child suffer and die before me. The anguish my grandparents must have gone through seemed heart wrenching and unbearable. I didn’t want to think it could ever happen to Harper. I wanted her to live a long and healthy life. I wanted to watch her grow old, and hope she was around to take care of me when I was unable to do it for myself.

  She would always be the most important person in my life. I needed to keep reminding myself of that. She was my home. My home would be wherever she was.

  Something my grandfather said to me popped up in my mind.

  He’d said happy and home. It made no sense to me. What had he meant? Did he expect me to come home, back to Washington D.C.? Did he think this was where I belonged? I couldn’t uproot my family. We had a life in California, potential for a successful future.

  When I couldn’t shake it from my mind, I headed out of my mother’s room, closing the door behind me to protect it’s purpose like everyone had always seemed to do. My grandfather’s quarters were at the opposite end of the large home. I recalled running up and down the hallways, even riding skateboards and bicycles when I was a bigger kid.

  I passed by more photos, getting rattled as each reminded me how alone I’d become. Once I turned the corner, I knew I was getting close. I ran my fingers over the wainscoting as I approached the closed double doors. When my hands were on the knobs I had to take a deep breath before entering.

  The first thing I noticed before turning on the lights was the smell of eucalyptus rub. He must have been going through a ton of it for the whole room to carry the fragrance. The room illuminated as I flicked on the switch, taking in the surroundings. There weren’t many changes. His large king-sized bed was at the far end. Two nightstands were next to either side, and on them sat lamps he’d had imported from France. It was obvious to tell which side of the bed he’d been sleeping in from the vast amount of medications filling the small surface. There was a chaise at the foot of the bed, and two chairs to the left, under a large bay window. The drapes were too fancy for my tastes, but a definite reflection of my grandparent’s style. They were old fashioned, and it was obvious when one entered their spectacular home that they’d traveled all over the world.

  Once inside the room, I sat down on one of the chairs, placing my hands on both arms. I coasted the area, thinking of all the times I’d come blasting in the room full of energy and excitement. As professional as my grandfather had seemed on the outside, he was quite a character behind closed doors. His sense of humor would be remembered by everyone who once knew and loved him.

  I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I wasn’t one to cry, but the past twenty-four hours had taken a toll on my sanity. I was tormented and torn, a victim of my own anguish. For the life of me I couldn’t find comfort in anything.

  I closed my eyes to try to calm myself down. His words popped in my head again. Happy and home. What did he mean by it? I knew he wasn’t talking about California, and wondered if it had to do with this house, which I knew was now all mine. What would I do with such a large piece of property? Did I have the heart to let it go; to sell it to the highest bidder? The thought of it being the last place my family was, left me thinking I couldn’t. This would always be my home, no matter where I was actually living.

  My mind carried back to a particular night years ago.

  It was the same evening I had decided to let go of Rachel; to walk away from the woman I was completely in love with. My selfless act left me feeling vulnerable. I headed home in hopes to drink away the sorrow, but found the memories of her being there were too hard to fathom. Unable to flee from my own pain, I headed to the mansion. It was late, and I assumed everyone would be asleep already. I walked in and found my grandfather in the parlor. He was having a nightcap while watching the end of a ballgame. He saw me enter the room and poured me a glass. “You look like you could use one of these.”

  I picked up the glass and admired the design before downing the strong liquor it contained. “Can I have another?”

  “That bad, son?” He’d called me that my whole life. In many ways he was the only father I could remember.

  “Pretty much. I don’t think it can get worse.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Not really. You’ll probably tell me I’m an idiot and I’ll feel worse.”

  He cleared his throat loudly. “Let me ask you this. Do you feel like you made the right choice?”

  “I’m struggling with that question, Granddad. I know in my heart she’s better off, but it’s ripping me a new ass. That’s for sure.”

  He chuckled. “That’s when you know you’ve got it bad. Have you considered telling her how you really feel?”

  I leaned forward and spoke directly to my grandfather. He didn’t need to know who I was involved with. If I told him he’d probably scold me, since she was so dear to him. “If I tell the person how I feel it will only make it worse. It’s best if I cut ties. She’ll be fine, and I’ll get over it.” I poured another drink and sipped at this one.

  “I hope you’re right. Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Sometimes we think we’re making the right decision, when in fact it’s the opposite. In your case, I hope she’s easy to get over, but I have a feeling she was the one.”

  “How could you know that? I’ve never brought her around.”

  He snickered and took a sip of his tonic. “I know.” He waved his glass around toward me. “You’ve been walking around with a cocky smile for weeks. I’ve seen the type of girls you surround yourself with, and I know this woman is nothing like them. She’s real, and it scares the hell out of you.”

  “I’m not going to ask how you know so much.”

  “It’s better you don’t. I wouldn’t want you to think poorly of me. I’ve lived a full life, that’s for sure, and bless your dear grandmother for putting up with my antics. She’s a saint.”

  “It’s best if I don’t talk about who I’m with. I made the right choice, at least for her. I’ll survive.”

  “You think you can hide it from me, don’t you? You think I haven’t paid close attention, but I have. Just because I’m no longer in that office doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes withi
n the company. I know everything, son.”

  “I’m not admitting to anything, but if you do know what’s going on, then you can accept why I made the decision to end things. It’s better this way, for everyone involved.”

  “I beg to differ.” He finished off his drink and sat it back down on the tray. “I think one day you’re going to look back and wish you’d done things differently. I hope I’m not around to see it.”

  I turned away from my grandfather and filled my mind with Rachel. Was she the one? Had I ruined my chances at happiness?

  I snapped out of it and stood abruptly. “You knew it was her, didn’t you, old man? You wanted me to figure it out myself and all I did was walk away like a coward. I bet your laughing at me now. I’ve got a wife who is screwing another woman, a daughter I’m desperate to keep close, and reminders of what I should have never let go of. On top of that shit, I have to bury your ass and say goodbye to the best man I’ve ever known. You’re making it hard on me, aren’t you?” I mumbled to the air around me. I knew it was unlikely he was listening, but if by some luck he was, I wanted him to know how important he was to me.

  I sauntered over to the serving table and poured myself a drink of whatever he’d filled the carafe with. It stung going down and I winced as it made it’s way into my throat. “I’m going to miss you, Granddad. Everything I am is because of you.”

  When I sat the glass down I flipped it on the side, leaving the remnants to spill out. It was unlike me to feel angry about my grandfather. He’d been my rock. He’d kept me straight. He’d taught me that women weren’t just around to satisfy some perversion us men have going on in our heads. He’d educated me to be respectful, and that honesty would get me far in life. I’d lived by his guidance, and done my best to help the people struggling around me.

  Hell, I’d deeded part of his company to Rachel before walking out of her life for good. How much more generous could I have been?

  By the time I made it back into my bedroom, I was a blubbering mess, intent on letting it all out. I wanted to punch walls and scream at the top of my lungs. I started with the wall behind my bedroom door, shoving my fist right through it. Then I ripped the hooks from a coat rack, tossing them across the room to knock over a few remaining trophies. I kicked a table, flinging it’s contents everywhere.

  I was losing control, suffering some kind of breakdown. My marriage was in shambles, my heart lingering between two different worlds. I didn’t want to lose this place, but I couldn’t abandon my family in California. If only I could be in two places at once.

  When I finally collapsed on the bed, I was too tired to fight with my conscience any longer. I needed to let sleep settle me, at least for a little while.

  Maybe the next day would be better. Maybe when my wife arrived with Harper, I’d have a reason to smile again. Until then I’d undergo unimaginable pain, grieving the loss of my favorite family member.

  Chapter 7

  I wasn’t sure what time it was when I heard the doorbell chiming. Sleep had been difficult, and I found it unsettling to not know how long I’d actually rested.

  From the looks of my bedroom, I’d certainly lost control. The rush of memories came back as I stood and looked out the window to see if I could figure out who had arrived so early.

  Then I saw them, my two girls standing with hands full of luggage. I hauled ass down the stairs to meet them at the door. When it opened, and I saw the look in Veronica’s eyes, I knew she was pissed. She blew by me, stopping when she noticed my cell phone on the floor. It had vibrated off the table, knocking out the battery. “Well, this explains why I couldn’t reach you.”

  “I called you from the landline last night. Why didn’t you just dial that back?”

  Her eyebrow raised and I could tell she was thinking about castrating me. “It’s better if we drop it, Chad. I’m not here to fight. We came all this way to make sure you were okay, didn’t we, Harper?”

  I looked down to see my little girl waiting for recognition. She was swaying her body, patiently hoping I’d give her my undivided attention. “We flew in the sky.”

  I picked her up and kissed her on the cheek. “I know. I didn’t expect you so soon. I wanted to pick up some groceries and make sure the beds were made in the guest room.”

  “Mommy says we have to stay for a couple days.”

  “Yeah. She’s right. Is it okay? I’m sure there’s lots you can do in this big house.”

  I sat her down and watched her run into another room. When my eyes met Veronica’s again, I could tell she was still pissed with me. “I told you we were taking the first flight.”

  “Didn’t you say you weren’t here to argue?”

  “Yes. Sorry. I’m agitated, that’s all.” She reached over and gave me a quick hug, the kind you give to someone you don’t really like. It was hard not to take it personal. “Don’t worry about the groceries. You handle what needs to be done and I’ll manage everything else. Will the wake be held here? I’d like to keep it confined to the lower level. I’d hate for the rooms upstairs to get messed up. Then we’ll have to pay someone to come in and clean up before we contact a realtor. On the way here I looked up real estate in the area. Do you have any idea how much this place is worth? Once we’re home I’ll reach out to my friend…”

  I cut her off. “Wait. Did you say realtor? What makes you think I want to sell this place? This is my childhood home. It’s not leaving my hands, Veronica, and even if it eventually did, it wouldn’t be your decision to make. My grandfather died not even twenty-four hours ago and you’re already coming in here and trying to take control.”

  She flipped her hair as her eyes rolled with annoyance. “Get ahold of yourself, Chad. We can’t manage both houses. I’m thinking practical.”

  “Yeah, maybe for the first time so am I.”

  I passed by, heading in the direction Harper had run off in. I wasn’t upset they’d made the trip, but I was starting to see sides of my wife I didn’t care for, and it made me wonder if I’d been wearing blinders for my whole marriage.

  I didn’t care where she went, or what she did for the rest of the day. I had important matters to attend to.

  Harper was sitting in the library. She’d pulled out a book with a rabbit on it. The first page was open and she pointed to something handwritten when she spotted me walking in the room. “What’s this say, Daddy?”

  I couldn’t help a smile from forming. “It says my name. I think my mother wrote it.”

  “When you were little like me?”

  “Yep. Do you want me to read it to you?”

  She nodded.

  I picked her up and carried her over to a comfortable couch in the far end of the room, overlooking the backyard where the lake connected to the property. It definitely beat the views from our California home, that’s for sure. For a second I thought about calling Veronica into the room just to throw it in her face.

  With Harper on my lap, I began to calm down. She was the best therapy, and I knew once I began reading the story from my childhood, I’d be filled with happy memories. This particular book had been sitting out for years. It was my favorite, and my mother’s before mine. My grandmother had read it to her when she was a small girl. “I think it’s time I cross out my name and put yours in this book.”

  “Really?” Her eyes lit up. “I can have it?”

  “Of course. You know Daddy would give you anything in the world if he could.”

  “I heard Mommy crying last night.” She said before I could start the story. “Is she sad because the old man died?”

  “Maybe. Did you give her big hugs?”

  “She let me sleep with her.”

  “I know. Did you keep my spot warm for me?”

  She nodded. “Can I sleep with you and Mommy tonight? This house is big and I’m scared. What if there are ghosts? Mommy was on the phone and I heard her talk about ghosts. I don’t want to be scared.”

  “This house isn’t haunted. I don’t know what Mom
my was saying, but it wasn’t about this house.”

  “She said she doesn’t like it here.”

  “Who was she talking to?” I hated asking my daughter for answers, but it wasn’t like I could get an honest one from my wife.

  “She said she was talking to you, silly.” Her face looked sad. “She said you couldn’t talk to me.”

  I clenched my jaw, knowing damn well she hadn’t been speaking to me. Veronica was lying to our daughter to protect herself. She was probably talking to the girlfriend she claimed she’d broken things off with. I felt so annoyed, but overwhelmed with too much other shit to be able to do anything about it. I needed to handle one thing at a time, and my grandfather was going to come first.

  I read the book three times to Harper, each one relaxing me a bit more. She loved the story, and I could tell she’d appreciate having the book as her own.

  When she was getting tired, I took her to my mother’s room and tucked her in for a nap. “Are you going to leave me in here alone?”

  “Don’t worry there’s no ghosts in here, Harper.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because this was my mother’s room, and I know for a fact that she’s an angel. Angels don’t let ghosts come near them. She’ll protect you.” I kissed her gently. “I love you, pumpkin. Daddy will be right down the hall.”

  “Can you stay with me until I fall asleep”

  I climbed into the bed with her realizing I was still exhausted. It was early, and I could handle the legal matters later in the day. Deciding to go to sleep instead of dealing with Veronica was the best idea I’d had yet. I closed my eyes and snuggled up to my little girl, content with her being the only person I’d let sleep in my mother’s room.

  I woke up to someone poking me. Veronica stood over the bed, looking annoyed. I sat up and untangled my body from Harper’s so she could still rest. “She was tired.”

  “Your phone has been ringing. I didn’t want to answer it.”

  She obviously put it back together and checked it. I took it from her hands and looked down at the screen. “Who called?”