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  He began to laugh, like my life was a joke to him. “What do you want, Shayne?”

  “Can we just put aside the past and talk as family, for once?”

  “Sure. Now tell me why you’re callin’.”

  I sighed, knowing right away that he wasn’t going to go for anything I had in mind. “Do you think you can get me a job? Before you say no, just think about how you’d be helpin’ out two little children that deserve a good life, no matter what their parents have done.”

  “Shayne, I think you’re forgettin’ that I know your little secret. Now, I know you’ve told me that Parker signed off and you’re name is on those birth certificates. If bein’ their father is what you really want, I won’t stand in your way. It’s your choice. I just can’t be a part of the lie.”

  “Ford, it ain’t a lie. Not to me. They are mine, in every way that counts. I’m goin’ to do right by Ash and give her a good life, whether you all believe me or not. I love her, cuz. I swear I do. It’s different with her. She makes me want to be better.”

  The line got quiet and I considered that he’d hung up, tired of hearing about me and his ex.

  “After everything, it would be nice for her to have a reason to be better. There was a time when I worshipped the ground she walked on, so I can see where you think she’s great. Just remember that it ain’t always the sex though.”

  I chuckled loud enough that he heard me.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Dude, we haven’t -” I paused, thinking about how to admit it. “We still aren’t allowed to fuck.”

  “Are you shittin’ me?”

  “I wish I was. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s been hell.”

  When the line got quiet again I knew it was because he was thinking about what to say to me. “Listen, I’ll give you credit. If you’re really plannin’ a life with a woman that you’ve never even slept with then you’re a hell of a lot braver than me. There’s no way in hell I could do that. I need to know what I’m gettin’ into.”

  “I didn’t call for your opinion and just so you know, I’m pretty sure from what we have done that there won’t be any disappointment in that department. Being that you’ve already been down that road I will appreciate it if you leave that topic alone. I didn’t call you to talk about Ash. I’m in a bind. I can’t be around my dad anymore. He’s makin’ my life harder than it needs to be. I’ve been workin’ on cars for as long as you and could be a good addition to what you’re doing over there. I’m not askin’ to be your friend again, Ford. I know I’ve fucked that all up. I’m just tryin’ to do right by my life and my future. I’ve got mouths to feed and I want them to be taken care of. I can’t do that and deal with my dad. You know how he is.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “He’s a pain in the ass.”

  “Can you just talk to Sky’s dad? Put in a good word for me or somethin’? I need a career and takin’ over the business ain’t workin’ out.”

  “Before I do anything, you know I need to talk to Sky. I can’t do somethin’ like that behind her back, because like it or not, you’re tied to Ash. I’m thinkin’ about poppin’ the question soon and I can’t afford for her to be pissed at me.”

  “I wouldn’t have called if I wasn’t desperate. I mean, I could fill out applications, but they’re goin’ to start me at nothin’. I was thinkin’ about buyin’ that old Baker house. You know the one I’m talkin’ about?”

  “Yeah. It needs work. I heard they trashed the inside.”

  “I don’t know. I’m willing to do work to it. It’s just off the beaten path and the kids would have room to grow.”

  “You sound like an old man.”

  I sighed, feeling so completely exhausted. “Just say you’ll help a brother out. Tell me that after all our bullshit, you can look past it for family. Please, Ford. I just need a chance.”

  “I’ll talk to Sky tonight and call you tomorrow. I can’t make you any promises. There’s a lot of bad blood between the four of us. Even though Sky has forgiven you, doesn’t mean she’s ready to be friends with Ash. I don’t know if that will ever happen.”

  “It’s funny, you mention Sky forgiving me, but not you. How many times do I need to say I’m sorry?”

  “You really are desperate. Look, what you’re doin’ with Ash is crazy, but I get it. I don’t hate you, I just need to be away from it all. I’m trying to start a future with Sky and for a while you kept us apart. I guess I’m over it. I don’t want to beat your ass when I see you, so that’s a good start.”

  “You can’t beat my ass anyway,” I taunted.

  “Bullshit! It’s a good thing I have control of my emotions.”

  “I’m not goin’ to push this. It would be cool if we could meet up for a beer and talk about this, as cousins and as friends.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. Don’t get your hopes up yet, though.”

  I thanked him before hanging up. Even if I didn’t get a new job, I could still feel better about the relationship between me and Ford, who used to be my best friend and closest relative.

  Since I was already at the farm house, I decided to get out and walk around. Ford wasn’t kidding when he said that they’d messed up a bunch of things. The porch was dilapidated and the door was hanging off the hinges. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get inside, so I walked around and peered into the windows. The carpets had been removed and the subflooring was all that was left. The kitchen cabinets had been torn down and removed. All that was left was a shell. Still curiosity got the best of me. For some reason I could see myself living there.

  I made a call to the relator and set up and appointment. With no one to go with me, I set out to read up on everything I could until I was able to go inside and access it for myself.

  I’d accomplished nothing, but when I walked into the apartment and saw Ash, I felt hopeful. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt relieved, like everything was going to work out.

  Chapter 10

  Ashley

  Shayne was somehow different when he walked through the door. He was nice to his sister and walking around like he didn’t have a care in the world. When he picked up Eli, he spun his body around and talked to him in a high pitched voice. His good mood didn’t end there. After he’d been gone all day, he insisted on cooking dinner and making one of my favorites.

  Peyton finally left and it was just the two of us.

  “Go get a bath, baby. I’ve got this all taken care of.”

  “What if they wake up?”

  “I’ll take care of it.” He leaned over and kissed me slowly on the lips. “I missed you today.”

  “I missed you, too. I guess I’ve gotten so used to you being around.” I needed to stop depending on that, considering that he was the only person putting food on the table.

  “I’m workin’ on that. I’m workin’ on everything.” He smacked me on the ass as I walked by. “Go get that bath, baby.”

  I giggled as I made my way out of the kitchen. Even though I knew he wasn’t being himself, it was so good to see him happy, especially since I knew he’d gone to talk to his uncle earlier in the day.

  The hot water soothed my skin in all the right places. With my eyes closed and a rag over my face, I let myself relax more than I had in days. While my toes played with the faucet, I attempted to shave my legs. For the past couple of weeks Shayne had been taking care if it. Since I’d lost some weight, I was able to reach my legs again without a struggle. It felt good to be able to take care of myself.

  After I was finished, I rinsed off again in the shower then climbed out to towel dry off. The sound of the door startled me and I turned to see Shayne peeking his head in. “Did you happen to open this present from my sister and Lacey?”

  It had completely slipped my mind that they’d left it. I shook my head. “No. I forgot. Why?”

  He laughed and handed me a smaller bag that must have been inside of the larger one. “I’m pretty sure this one is for you. Let me know if you need help with that
.”

  I had no idea what was so funny, or why they’d buy me something, so I dug right into the gift. Wrapped in tissue paper was a folded piece of cardboard. Inside of that was a heart made out of rhinestones. On the top it read ‘Vagazzle’. Shayne laughed even more. “I don’t get it?”

  “Vagazzle. You’ve never heard of it?”

  “No. What the hell is it?”

  “It’s décor for your pussy.”

  I dropped the bag and the present on the floor and covered my face. “Oh my gosh. Is that a joke? Did you put that in there?”

  He held onto his stomach while still cackling at my remark. “I swear I didn’t. I’m sure it’s from Peyton. That’s the kind of shit she’d be into.”

  While Shayne was getting a kick out of his sister’s apparent gag gift, I had other reasons for making use of it. With little effort the towel fell to the ground, leaving me naked and in perfect view of Shayne’s eyes. His laughing ceased and he watched me bend over and pick up the little paper with gemstones on it. I approached him, getting close enough to kiss him passionately. “I say, after dinner, we head into the bedroom and you apply this.”

  One eyebrow cocked as a smile formed out of the corner of his lips. “We can make that happen.”

  “Oh, I’m sure we can.”

  I started to grab a shirt, but he pulled my arm away. “No. Stay naked.”

  “Shayne, I can’t walk around naked. I just gave birth.”

  “There’s not one thing about you that doesn’t turn me on. Come on, baby. Do it for me. I want to sit across from you savoring every bite, and imagining it is your pussy.”

  Our lips brushed and I closed my eyes focusing my lust on what was to come after our meal. “I’m hungry.”

  He pulled away, still smiling. “You better be. I’ve got the spaghetti done. It’s got extra parmesan cheese and a dash of sugar added to the sauce.”

  Shayne did something to his sauce that always made it sweeter than the jar provided. He’d finally confessed that he added a dash of sugar. I’d tried to make it taste like his, but still failed. It was a good thing that he enjoyed cooking, even meals as simple as spaghetti. What made it more special was that he used part venison and part beef. We’d both grown up on wild game, and enjoy the different texture of it in our favorite foods. “I can’t wait.”

  “So don’t. Take that fine ass of yours and go sit down. I just fed Beka and she went back to sleep. Eli’s still out like a light.”

  “He’ll be up soon. My breasts feel really full.” Shayne took my hand and led me into the kitchen. He fed me a cherry tomato from our salad, and handed me my breast pump. “I’ll set the table. Why don’t you sit down and pump out a bottle. When he gets up I can feed and change him.”

  “You know you don’t have to do that. I’m home all day. It’s my job.”

  “I’m the dad, Ash. It’s also my job and I like doin’ it. It makes me feel closer to them when I can help out. I love them, you know.”

  Every time he said it I felt so lucky. “I know you do.”

  “So, let me take care of them. Go sit down and pump them titties. I’ll take care of everything else.”

  I sat down and got started still giggling at his choice of words. While the meal smelled fantastic, I knew I had to take care of draining my breasts, before they began to drip. Whenever I was in the shower, or taking a bath, the warm water would make the milk pour out. In no time at all I had a good two ounces pumped. Since both of the twins only drank about an ounce a piece, I knew it would be enough for Eli. Need be, we could add some formula and they would have full belly’s until their next feeding.

  Dinner was fantastic and I hardly even noticed that I was sitting at the table without clothes. Shayne was a gentlemen, though he didn’t really have to be. He made it a point to talk to me and never look down at my chest. Thankfully, he couldn’t see my flabby belly or any of the stretch marks that made me feel so uncomfortable.

  After dinner, I helped him by loading the dishwasher, while he fed and changed Eli. We both checked on the twins, who were resting soundly. They would sleep for at least two or more hours before they woke again to eat or be changed. Every night we were getting closer to sleeping all the way through. I knew it was going to take a lot of patience, but I was pretty hopeful that their schedules would eventually be easier to handle, especially during the day by myself.

  Once we made it to the bedroom I knew I was on Shayne’s watch. He’d done so much for me to be able to relax and I knew it was because he had plans of his own. Why else would he have come in so happy about life?

  After climbing into the bed beside me, he pulled me close. “I looked up the directions on how to bedazzle your pussy.” He reached between my legs and ran a finger inside of my lips. “That’s the sweet spot there. This is goin’ to turn me on so much, Ash.”

  “You don’t have to do it. It seems silly.”

  “You’re the one always complanin’ that you don’t like your body. Let me do it. If you don’t like it, we’ll take it off.”

  “How long will it last?”

  “It says up to a couple weeks. Actually, here is what the instructions say. To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance.”

  “So, you’re basically goin’ to glue that shit to my skin?”

  “Yeah, I guess. How else will it stick?”

  I shook my head, feeling a little uneasy about the whole process. “I don’t know, Shayne. It sounds like an infection waitin’ to happen.”

  He looked down at the decoration and then back up to me. I could see how turned on he was from the bulge in his shorts. “I could shave you and then just add a couple. If you don’t like the way they feel, we’ll take em’ off.”

  Figuring that a few couldn’t hurt, I agreed to allow him to decorate my hooch with tiny decorative gemstones.

  The shaving part was sexy, and I appreciated that he took his time, making sure not to cut me. Shayne followed the directions, and ended up placing them more near my belly button, and only at the very top of my sensitive area. He smiled and leaned back to access his workmanship.

  I laughed at him, pretending he was some kind of artist, when I’d seen how awful his stick figure drawings really were.

  “You should let me take a picture,” he suggested.

  That was not happening. “No way! I don’t want anyone seein’ this.”

  “Fine, you need to stay naked, until they fall off then.”

  “Shayne, your sister will be here in the mornin’. I’m wearin’ clothes.”

  He laughed and reached over to trace the tiny gems. I watched him licking his lips, and could feel the tingling from between my legs. I was beyond horny.

  “It looks sexy.”

  “I’m sure it doesn’t,” I replied.

  He moved forward, closing the distance between us. “I can’t wait to make love to you, Ash.”

  Heat radiated between my legs and traveled up through every nerve in my body. I wanted this man to have that final piece of me and we still had to wait.

  “I hate this.”

  Warm hands rubbed the tops of thighs and the friction was sending me into a frenzy. He knew what he was doing to me, and himself. “Baby, I’m bein’ so patient, but every night when we’re like this is torture. I want you so bad, and I’m not settlin’ for what you gave me last night.”

  “I’m sorry.” As much as I longed to be with him, I knew that our constant touching and messing around was causing him even more stress. “We could always try. If it hurts, I’ll tell you.”

  He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “No. I’m not doin’ that. You’re worth the wait. Besides, we need to get some sleep before our little ones wake up.”

  I nestled my head in between his neck and chest. “Are you sure this is the life you want? It just seems like a lot, and I know you like your freedom.”

  “Freedom is lonely, Ash. Trust me,” He kissed the top of my head. “There is no
place that I’d rather be.”

  “Promise me that if you change your mind you’ll tell me first. I don’t want to wake up one mornin’ and you’re gone. I just want the time to prepare myself.”

  He started rubbing my back, soothing me while he spoke. “It’s not goin’ to happen, but I promise anyway. Ash, I’m not here because the twins are my blood. I mean, yes, they’re very important to me, but I could have a relationship with them regardless of our situation. I’m here because I want you. How many times do I need to tell you that?”

  I shrugged and looked up at him. “I just feel vulnerable all the time. It feels like things are so good for us that somethin’ bad is bound to happen. I hate it, but I can’t shake it.”

  “Nothin’ will happen. I know it’s hard for everyone to believe, but my mind is made up. You’re stuck with me.” Shayne traced my lips with his thumb. “I promise.”

  Every time he reassured me my heart would race. He was right, what we shared was different than either of us had ever experienced before. I’d always thought that Ford was the one, but my feelings for Shayne were so much more intense. Maybe it was because he’d taken on the responsibility of being a father to my children, or perhaps it was that at the worst time of my life he’d been my only friend. Whatever it was, I was grateful. All I could do was hope that nothing would ever come between us, because the longer we were together, the more I fell in love with him.

  Chapter 11

  Shayne

  Three weeks and five days.

  That’s how long we lasted before we couldn’t hold out any longer.

  I supposed that we were both to blame, playing into each other’s advances so much that neither of us could stop ourselves. Ash had gone for a doctor’s check-up and we were told that she’d healed nicely. Before they could leave the room we both had one burning question.

  “Is it safe to have sex?”

  Now, I don’t know if that doctor had any inkling that we’d never done the deed, but it was obvious that we were desperate.