Belong Read online

  I kept catching Chad watching me as we ate our meal. I tried not to smile or react inappropriately, but it was impossible when the man knew how to read me. Hiding things from him was impossible, and I wondered if it would even be worth trying.

  After we were finished, Gracie insisted on doing the dishes, with the help of Harper. Chad led me into the great room and started prepping the fireplace with kindling. “It’s supposed to get chilly tonight. I promised Harper we’d have a fire, since we don’t have anything like this in California.”

  “I hear it’s always nice there.”

  “Once in a great while we’ll have rain, just short showers. She’s never seen snow, or built a snowman.”

  “That’s got to be grounds for neglect. Every child needs to experience snow,” I teased.

  “Yeah. Once she came along my aspirations of moving home sort of went out the door. Everything changed. Besides, Veronica hates the weather here. She says the humidity messes up her hair. She acts likes she’s allergic to rain.”

  “All you’ve done is complain about her. Please tell me there were good qualities when you got married.”

  “Now that Harper isn’t around I can talk about it. I’d never want her to hear the truth. Veronica isn’t originally from Beverly Hills.”

  “Where is she from?” I asked.

  Chad proceeded to tell me about her childhood and the things she’d endured at such a young age. I was in disbelief. I couldn’t begin to understand how any man would want to inappropriately put their hands on a child. It was disgusting. When he finished telling the story I felt like my dinner was going to come up. The things she’d been through were wretched. I suddenly began to understand why she was rough around the edges. I also knew exactly why Chad had been drawn to her.

  He had a thing for women in need, and she was his perfect escape from me. Sure, she attracted him for different reasons, but he stuck around because she was a project he thought he could fix. Instead of things turning out with a perfect ending, they’d taken a turn in the opposite direction. Veronica had strayed, and Chad was finally understanding there wasn’t anything he could do about it. I think he was also finally coming to terms with the fact that they had nothing in common. She’d made it clear his money was more important than anything else.

  I knew Chad well enough to know he didn’t live his life like a rich person. He was conservative and frugal. He liked being seen as equals and worked hard for his accomplishments. Where he’d expected her to be proud of him, she’d turned around and treated him like he’d been the one to betray her. I felt sorry for him, because I knew how much it must have affected him when he realized he’d failed.

  After he was finished speaking, I watched the fire ignite, and him take the sofa across from the one I was sitting on. He leaned forward and let his hands dangle between his legs. “It’s nice being able to relax.”

  “Charles loved this room. When I came for dinner he’d get out those old metal trays and we’d eat in here. He said the dining room was too formal.”

  “He’s right. I prefer a small kitchen table you can see each other at. You can’t even pass the pepper without having to toss it.”

  “You always were simple.” I thought back to his studio apartment he used to have in the city, and how we’d spent many nights there together.

  “What’s the smile for?”

  “Nothing. I was just remembering your place in town. I always liked it.”

  “You spent enough time there. Remember that night we drank those two bottles of wine and screamed out the windows in the middle of the night to see if we could wake up the city? You said the President of the United States could hear us.”

  “He might have,” I giggled. “That was a crazy night.” For more reasons than shouting out a window. We’d stayed up all night making love. I remembered not being able to move the next morning. From the look on Chad’s face he was recalling it the same way without sharing.

  “Fun times. Back then it was easy. Now life is filled with responsibility. I have to put Harper first, and sometimes it’s hard to balance work and home life.”

  “I’ve never had to raise a child so young before. I’m sure she relies on you heavily.”

  He stood up. “Speaking of which, I need to get her in the bathtub. She’s been running around this place all day, and since I have a feeling she’s going to be sleeping next to me tonight, I’d like her to smell clean.”

  I laughed to myself. “It’s nice to know you won’t be sleeping alone.”

  “She’s the best bed partner anyone could ask for. She kicks and steals the covers. By morning I’ll be sleeping in a chair.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “I like to watch her sleep. She’s peaceful, and there are no truths that can hurt her. She’s about to learn our family isn’t going to be together, and I’m afraid she’s going to blame me for it.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  He replied while walking out of the room. “Her mother will make sure of it.”

  As I sat there taking in everything he’d said, I could hear carrying on coming from all the way up the stairs. I followed the sounds of laughter until I came to a bedroom, finding the two of them inside of the private bathroom. Harper was in a tub full of bubbles, while Chad sat on the outside. He was letting her shake the foam all around, and each time it flew into his hair she thought it was hysterical. I giggled when I watched it, alarming both of them of my presence. “I’m sorry,” I embarrassingly exclaimed. “I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on up here.”

  “It’s okay. We were just playing.”

  “I’ll see you both downstairs,” I said as I turned and started to leave.

  “Rach, hang on. Can you give me a towel?”

  I searched the room, finding he’d sat one on top of the sink. I handed it to him, realizing he’d taken my hand as I did it. “Why don’t you stick around? I have to read this little turkey a story, and it might take a while. You’re welcome to hang out with us, isn’t she?”

  Harper nodded.

  I felt like I was intruding, but didn’t want the child to feel as if I didn’t like her. Children were sensitive. “Okay.”

  As I walked back into the bedroom and sat down on a chair to wait, I noticed whose room we were actually in. I could tell from the pictures on the wall, and the décor. The toss pillows matched the ones Chad once had on his bed, which belonged to his mother.

  I peeked at the pictures, seeing a little boy in most of them. Much like his daughter, Chad had chubby cheeks and deep dimples. He was always full of smiles, probably from being spoiled beyond belief. Charles was in a few of them with another man, who I assumed was Chad’s biological father. They both looked so young and full of life. It was a shame both of them weren’t going to be around to see Harper grown up and help Chad go through his latest struggles.

  Then I heard them, the two crazy characters I was about to spend more time with, hooting and hollering as they made their way into the room. Harper was wrapped in a towel. She stood and held it on her body as Chad lifted a small pair of panties up so she could step in them. After that, Harper dropped the towel and lifted her arms to allow the nightgown to slide over her body. She climbed up on the bed and turned around, while Chad grabbed a hairbrush. She scrunched up her face as he smoothed out her wet hair. Once he was done, she got under the covers and propped her little body up.

  They both stared at me for a second, as if I was supposed to know what they were waiting for. “Are you coming over here?” He asked.

  I headed over to stand next to the bed, but Harper patted the opposite side her father was on. “You can sit here.”

  He picked up a book while I got comfortable, all the while feeling as if I was intruding. When I heard him start to read the story something happened. I didn’t look at the pictures as he turned the pages, or watch Harper’s eyes to see if she would immediately fall asleep. I was captivated by Chad. He read with an energetic style, acting out
a personality for each character. He got into it, seeming as if he enjoyed it as much as his daughter. It was the sweetest thing.

  When our eyes met I couldn’t deny what was there. He knew it too. There was no camouflaging it. I shouldn’t have agreed to have dinner with them. I should have never put myself in a situation I knew I wouldn’t want to get out of. Chad had everything I could ever want and more. He was like a huge piece of chocolate when you’re heavily dieting. He was the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world, but I knew he wasn’t mine to have. Now I didn’t know what I was going to do to try to avoid the elephant in the room, and as his eyes stayed fixed on mine, I realized he had me exactly where he wanted me.

  Chapter 15

  It was obvious Rachel was about to let her guard down. The longer I spent around her, the more I knew I needed her back in my life, even if we were only friends.

  I'd be kidding myself if I said I was okay with a platonic relationship, especially after being cheated on with another woman. In the back of my mind I wondered if I wasn't doing my job as a man, and I knew one women who would give it to me straight.

  She'd let her hair down while I'd been upstairs. When I first saw her in the doorway I was inclined to say something about it, but chickened out before I could follow through.

  As soon as Harper had fallen asleep I kissed her goodnight and slid off the bed. Rachel stood on the other side, watching as I approached her. She didn't pull away when I took her hand and led her out of the room, not even when I stopped and stood close enough to feel her breathing. "Did you come upstairs because you missed me already?"

  "No!," she defended. "I heard ‎screaming and laughing. I was curious what the commotion was about."

  "Now you know my weakness. I'm a sucker for my little girl. I worship the ground she walks on. Everything I do is for her future."

  She licked her lips. “I know what you’re doing. It’s probably time for me to go,” she said while still letting my fingers lace with one of hers.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want to do? Gracie probably headed home. I figured we’d relax by the fire for a little while.”

  “What is your idea of relaxing? Does it involve the removal of clothes?”

  I snickered. “Clothing is optional.”

  “You’re terrible.”

  “I’m desperate,” I whispered. God, she was so close. I wanted those lips on mine, but I couldn’t make the first move, at least not yet.

  Her hand was still playing with mine. “I told you why I didn’t want to stay.”

  “And I told you why you should anyway.”

  “It will only hurt the both of us worse.”

  I used my free hand to stroke the side of her cheek. When I did it, she leaned into my touch. “You haven’t changed, Rach. You’re still beautiful inside and out. You captivate me in ways no other woman is able. I’d be a fool to let you walk away from this again.”

  With me still touching her face, she focused on my eyes again. “What is it about you that I can’t turn away from? I thought I was over you. I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved in your life again.”

  I inched closer, almost touching her lips to mine. “Come downstairs with me. Stay. Please.”

  She nodded quickly. “Okay.”

  We were still standing in the same position. I brought my hand around to the back of her head and ran it through her long hair. She closed her eyes like it felt enjoyable. Her neck was exposed, begging for attention, though I refrained. I had to go slow for the sake of keeping her around. I couldn’t scare her away, at least until she knew my full intentions. At the moment I wasn’t even sure where it could go. All I did know was that it was going to change everything.

  I stepped backwards, breaking my hold on her. Her eyes fluttered open in a way to appear shocked I hadn’t made a move. I held my hand out again and waited for her to take it before heading down the staircase. “About those clothes,” I teased.

  “Don’t push your luck,” she retorted back.

  When she began to walk away from me I fetched her hand and tugged her back. She fell into my hold, her body pressing firmly against mine. “I don’t have to push with you, Rach. Don’t you see how perfectly you fit in these arms?”

  “That’s what’s scaring me. It’s too good to be real.”

  “Good things come to those who wait, or in our case, walk away for ten years. Tell me you don’t miss the way this feels and I’ll let you go. Just do me a favor and look at me when you do it, because otherwise I’m never going to believe you.”

  “Don’t look at me like that.”

  I smirked. Maybe I was anticipating the inevitable and it showed on my face. “Tell me to let go.”

  “No.”

  “No? Did I hear you right?”

  She bit down on her lip again and shrugged. “Please shut up and kiss me.”

  I wasn’t going to question her request. My lips came forward and I closed my eyes. I’d waited too long for this moment. “You know once this happens, I’m not letting you leave.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  “Stop talking,” I said as my lips locked over hers. She reminded me of a Georgia peach, juicy and ripe, causing a burst of satisfaction when you take your first bite. My tongue coursed over them, slightly parted and accepting what was to come. Her breathing was heavy, her eyes closed, and then halfway open. She appeared to be drunk, but awestruck over how intimate things had become. I knew in that moment, during our very first kiss, I wasn’t ever going to let this woman go. My hunger for her was almost savage. This wasn’t like missing my wife and coming home after a long business trip. This was years of regret built up until a volcanic release erupted from inside of me. I had to taste every inch of her skin, savor everywhere she allowed me to touch her, and re-memorize the places I’d sworn I’d never forget.

  Her tongue was warm as it skated with mine, dancing to the same tempo. My hand was fisted into her thick hair, if only to ensure she couldn’t pull away. She was breaking every part of me down to where vulnerability sat waiting to show it’s ugly face again. In this condition I’d be putty in her hands, open to the old wounds, which had haunted me for a decade. Ten years of pent up regret was being erased in one single kiss. That’s how powerful this connection was between the two of us. Being close to Rachel was incomparable. There wasn’t a single woman on her level, not in my eyes. She was no longer the one that got away; not when I had her back in my grasp.

  I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I whispered against her soft skin.

  “I have a pretty good idea.” She claimed my lips once again, this time climbing overtop of my body to straddle me. I let both hands fall down behind her back and tucked them underneath the soft part of her ass, holding her close.

  I had to stop again when the moment became too intense. I placed my forehead against hers and sucked in a full breath of air. My eyes started to sting, and an array of emotions hit me with no warning. I let my head fall down on her shoulder and tried to compose. It was impossible being in this situation after so long. I’d lost everything else, yet the one thing I thought I’d never get back was in my arms, waiting for me to continue.

  She could sense I was losing it, as I felt her hands coming up around my back. “I’m sorry,” I managed to get out before sniffling. “I’m so sorry.”

  She pushed me back so she could look into my tear-filled eyes. Rachel smiled and ran her fingers over them to wipe the remnants away. “Don’t you dare apologize. You gave me something I could never ask for myself. The choice you made years ago let me have a life with Grayson. I lived. For eight years I experienced happiness. Yes, he’s gone, but I got to share so much with him because you walked away. Don’t you dare be sorry for giving me that time with him, Chad. I’m grateful. The sacrifices you made gave him something to hold on to.” She broke down in that moment with her body still wrapped around mine. “Don’t you ever apologize.”

&n
bsp; I ran my fingers over the left side of her cheek, tracing the path her tears fell. “Don’t cry. This isn’t how I saw things going.”

  She tried to laugh, but it came out as more air with little sound. “You needed to hear it. You keep feeling like you make a mistake. I’m telling you it wasn’t. We never would have stayed together. I would have been torn apart with my marriage ending, and you would have ended up resenting me. Leaving me no choice was how it had to be. You forced my decision before I could make it on my own. It hurt me. I’m not going to lie. The day you told me we would never work because you were leaving, well it crushed me. I didn’t understand how you could tell me you loved me, but still want to walk away from what we had. Now I know. I understand exactly why you thought it was the right choice. You did what I couldn’t.” She cried harder and took a break from speaking for a second. “You said you still love me. I wanted to think you were saying it because you were overwhelmed with emotions from everything you’re going through, but I know it’s not the truth.”

  “I meant it. I’ll love you always, Rach.”

  “I believe you. It’s crazy, and it might not make sense, but I know it’s true.”

  “What changed? Did I have to shed a tear to make you listen to me?”

  “No. I had to stop fighting myself. I hate saying this because I feel like it’s wrong, but I still love you. Please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I’d never leave Grayson. We were happy and I was faithful, but you’ve always had a place in my heart. Being here with you only proves it. I can’t keep denying this. A freaking decade has passed and it feels like it’s only been a day.” She leaned forward for a chaste kiss. “This is easy, like I was meant to do it.” She reached behind her back and took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together. Then she collapsed against me, bawling and shaking so bad I was forced to hold her until she finished. “I can’t lose you again, but I know I can’t keep you either.” She settled herself and gave me a straight face. “If I let you walk away without giving you what you want I’ll regret it forever. Be with me tonight. Stay with me tomorrow, or for however long you’re able to stay, and when it’s time for you to go I’ll be okay. I’ll let you leave, because I’ll know you know how much I’ve loved you.”