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  He needed to be inside of me, blowing his load after only two minutes, because apparently that was all I was good for. It was in that moment when I started to think about Ms. Cybil again. First I thought about watching her and that handsome man fucking in her living room. Then I imagined what it would be like to finally get away from my husband, and never look back.

  I spent the next half-hour crying alone in the shower, while my husband slept in the next room. Once I calmed down, I dug through my purse, and with shaky hands I pulled out the business card and dialed her number.

  “You’ve reached Cybil. Leave a detailed message after the tone and I will return your call as soon as possible.”

  I started to say something, but chickened out and hung up the phone. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep with a stranger, so wasting her time wasn’t the answer.

  Why was I even considering it?

  It was a good thing that I didn’t leave a message, because as the day passed I changed my mind a dozen times. I sat downstairs and made a chart of how long I’d have to work to be able to afford a place of my own. I’d need a place to call home, even if it had to be fixed up in time. I’d make my kids proud, even if I had to work multiple jobs to do it.

  That next morning Charlie called out of work again. He was intent on doing work from home, while in bed. I was keeping myself busy downstairs, after texting Eli and letting him know that I wouldn’t be in the office again. He messaged me right away letting me know it was fine, but he also told me to be careful and make smart choices. I found it odd that he cared what I was doing with my husband, but shook it off knowing nothing would ever come out of our friendship than what we already had. I had to think of my kids first, and taking on a boyfriend wasn’t in my cards.

  Around lunchtime Charlie came downstairs and found me in the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on my neck. Then he turned me to face him, and I did my best to put on a smile for appearance sakes. “This is kind of nice, being home alone with you every day. I’ve thought about talking to Ed about working from home a couple days a week. How would you feel about that?”

  I wanted to tell him that it was a terrible idea. I had money to save, and I couldn’t be calling out of work, because he couldn’t know I even had a job. “It would be different. I wouldn’t get anything done, and neither would you.”

  He ran his hand through my hair and kissed my forehead. “You’re probably right. Though, it would give me a reason to get you naked.”

  I tried to change the subject. “Charlie, you know you need to rest. You’ll never get better if you overexert yourself.”

  He lifted me up and sat me on the kitchen countertop then wedged his way between my legs. “There’s only one kind of medicine that I need, Lil.”

  He grabbed my shirt and lifted it over my head, while pressing his erection against my sex. My bra was removed next, and then I felt my shorts being tugged off of my legs. “We can’t do it in the kitchen. What if someone walks in?”

  “Who is going to come here in the middle of the day and walk in? Stop complaining.”

  I got ready to find another reason when I saw Kate’s car pulling in her driveway. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a need to get revenge, for whatever it was worth. I didn’t know what they meant to each other, but I was a woman, and I knew I hated to even consider that I was sharing my man with someone else. The window from the kitchen looked out into her driveway, and I knew Kate enough to know she’d be curious. I pulled Charlie’s shirt over his head and shoved my lips against his, keeping my eyes peeled for hers the whole time. I wrapped my legs around my husband’s ass and felt him entering me. Charlie pushed me back until my head hit the upper cabinets. He ran his hands over my breasts and pinched at my nipples, leaning in and sucking one of them into his mouth. It felt good to be touched, but even better when I caught her getting a glimpse of him fucking me, just knowing that she’d seen us made me react. I started getting loud, crying out his name, and attempting to get off quickly. The more I got into the role, the hotter I was making myself. I wanted this, not just to pay her back, but for some sick desire that I was having.

  Charlie came fast, thrusting one last time inside of me before he froze in place. I accepted his sloppy kisses and how his limp body lingered over mine. Once he was finished, I headed upstairs for a shower.

  The smile on my face was that of accomplishment. Take that you slut!

  Two things happened after I locked the door and turned on the water. The voices out the window let me know she’d confronted him. I didn’t know how she’d gotten his attention, and I didn’t even care. Without her noticing, I peered out the window watching them argue with a fence between them. I laughed to myself, knowing I’d caused them turmoil.

  Then something happened to me.

  My body felt so hot all of a sudden. Beads of sweat formed on the skin between my breasts and my pussy tingled, craving more attention than it had gotten just moments before. I looked in the mirror and stared at my naked body. I’d lost some weight, and my normal thin figure was even more pronounced. I’d been blessed with nice sized breasts, and an ass that always received compliments. My hand ran over one of my nipples as I felt the silkiness of my own skin.

  After stepping in the shower hoping to cool myself down, I ran the soap over my pussy and about screamed. I was soaked with my own desire, hot for attention, and since there wasn’t anyone else to do it I dropped that bar and began massaging it myself. My back hit the shower wall as I looked down and watched the way my two fingers coursed over my clit. It was so swollen that the more I touched it, the more it pulsated. I wanted to make myself cum, and I was determined to watch myself doing it.

  My leg lifted up resting on the small bench seat, spreading me open. With my free hand I separated my folds and shoved three fingers deep inside of my pussy. I dropped to the shower floor, unable to hold myself up. The harder I fucked myself with those fingers the more turned on I got watching my clit being massaged. Just as the urge to cum occurred, I stopped rubbing it and stood to move the shower stream away. My ass fell down on the bench and I lifted my leg to prop up and spread out on two opposite walls. From there I could watch my now three fingers penetrating my throbbing sex. Once again I brought myself to the brink and slowed my pace.

  When I removed my fingers out of my pussy they glistened with my own wetness. I rubbed it all over the outside lips and watched it shine against the lights. My clit was so sensitive and I couldn’t refrain from touching it. I pinched it between two fingers and tugged, causing my whole body to shudder. I slapped it and then shoved my fingers deep inside again, this time so hard that I cried out and lost all control.

  When I finally realized what I’d done, I started to laugh. I didn’t need a man to satisfy me, not when I could do a fantastic job all by myself.

  Charlie was still outside arguing with Kate when I dressed and made my way down stairs. They could see me through the window and walked away from each other almost immediately. Even them being together couldn’t kill my mood of feeling satisfied. My pussy was still pulsating reminding me of how good it felt to touch myself. It was a shame that Charlie couldn’t pleasure me that way. In the big picture of things I wondered if any man could give me that kind of fulfillment. It was a question that I wasn’t sure I’d ever find out, not with the way my life was going.

  Charlie came inside and sat quietly across the kitchen counter from me. I was cutting up some vegetables for dinner and kept my focus on the knife. It wasn’t until I heard his sniffles that it dawned on me that he was upset. It was weird to see him like that again, considering in our years of marriage he’d only cried when the kids were born. “You alright over there?”

  “I need to tell you something. It’s eating me up inside and I can’t live with it anymore.”

  Holy shit! He’s going to come clean.

  I cocked my eyebrow and stared into his sad eyes. “What’s wrong?” I played it off like I didn’t have a clue. If this
bastard was confessing I wanted him to feel like the scum of the earth. He’d ripped out my heart, and there was nothing left to hold on to.

  “I did something, but it won’t happen again.”

  “Charlie, what are you talking about?” I needed to apply to be an actor.

  He reached across the counter and grabbed my hands. The knife dropped and I considered picking it up and stabbing him in the back of the hand. “Lil, I had an affair with someone when I was away on business a long time ago. It happened one time and I regretted it ever since. Baby, I swear it had nothing to do with you. I was just lonely and after a couple drinks it happened.”

  I clenched my jaw and considered my options. Clearly he was lying through his teeth. The affair was still going on, and it wasn’t with a co-worker. He was fucking Kate, and I had proof that it happened a lot more than one time. If this was how he thought he could clear his conscience he had another thing coming. “So, how long ago did this happen?” I looked away, trying to conjure up tears that just wouldn’t come. “How could you do this to me?”

  “It was last year. I’ve been living with this for a long time. I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t look at you and know what I’ve done.” He started crying harder, and I couldn’t believe that he was making up this story, instead of telling me the damn truth. “I love you so much, Lil. I never stopped.”

  I could have picked up the knife and chucked it at his head, but it wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. He was lying to me again, and I had a choice to stand there and take it, or walk away to figure out what I wanted to do. “I need to leave.”

  “Please, just tell me that we can work this out. I’ll go to counseling. I’ll do anything. Just don’t tell the kids. They’ll never forgive me. I couldn’t live with that guilt, Lil. I feel so bad. I’m sorry.”

  His mumbo jumbo was beginning to piss me off. Of course he didn’t want the kids to know that he was a lying, cheating son of a bitch.

  I wiped off my hands and tossed the rag on the counter. “Make sure you get the kids off the bus. I’m going out to think. Don’t try to call me, Charlie. Just leave me alone.”

  He followed me to the door and put his hand on my arm. I yanked it away. “Don’t you touch me. I can’t look at you right now.”

  And the Emmy goes to…

  He held up both hands. “Okay. I’ll give you time,” he cried. “Just don’t tell me it’s over.”

  Of course it’s over, you stupid fucker. “I’m not saying anything right now. Just don’t forget the kids, you know, the ones we made out of love?” I slammed the door behind me and never looked back as I walked to my van.

  As pissed as I was, I knew that Charlie wasn’t a man of his word. Sure enough, after pulling onto the next road and parking, I watched my very sad, pathetic husband walk over to Kate’s house and go right in without even knocking.

  He wasn’t sorry for his actions.

  It was then that I knew I had to find a way out of my marriage quickly, and I wasn’t going until I knew the kids were going to be with me.

  I suppose I could have been a real bitch and told them the truth about their good ole dad. Surely showing them a few of the pictures of him and Kate in bed would suffice, but I wasn’t that kind of mother. My job was to protect them, and I was determined to do so, no matter how much it hurt me to do.

  I pulled up at my attorney’s office and shut off my vehicle. As depressed as I was, I knew I needed to keep busy. Since I’d already called out of my waitressing job Eli’s office was the only other place I could go.

  I walked past the two front desk clerks after saying hello, and entered into the filing room. Once the door was shut I buried my face into my hands and began to sob. My life was in ruins and the culprit of it all didn’t even have the balls to tell me the truth.

  I don’t know how long I was in there, but the door creaked open slowly and I saw Eli standing there. “I thought you weren’t coming in.”

  I wiped my tears as I spoke. “Yeah, I needed to get out of that house.”

  “That bad?” He put his strong arms at the top of the doorframe and leaned in. “You want to talk about it?”

  “Not really.” I tried to smile, thankful that I had a friend like Eli in my life to talk to. Sure, he’d asked me out a couple of times, and been very open about his interest in me, but never tried to push it. “I suppose I’m a glutton for punishment. Who else in their right mind would still be living with him?”

  Eli approached me and pulled me into his arms. It was the first time we’d touched on a personal level. I should have pulled away, but having him comfort me felt so good after feeling alone. “You’re a strong woman, but I’d never tell you that you deserve to be treated that way, Lily. No person deserves that.”

  I looked up at Eli and for a moment all I could see was his handsome face, and those dark eyes looking back at me. I pulled out of his hold and looked away, unable to accept that the feeling of interest was mutual. He could never know that if things were different I’d love to go out with him on a date and see where things took us. I would never be able to tell him that when I was alone at night I pictured what it would be like to make love to him. He was so successful, and I wanted to know more about him. I just wasn’t in the right place to do it.

  “If you change your mind, about talking, I’m just down the hall. My last two appointments rescheduled. I’ll be doing paperwork for a couple court cases.”

  “Thanks, Eli. I’m just going to work for a bit and probably go home. It’s not like I have many other options these days.”

  He tapped on the door and then smiled. “You do have other options you’re just not ready to take them yet.”

  If I asked him to come in and close the door, would he have done it?

  I needed to calm down.

  After filing for a while, and feeling sorry for myself, I grabbed my purse and decided that I had to face the music. Charlie was there waiting for me, and I had to at least pretend to make an effort. My mind was made up though. I was leaving him, sooner than later.

  I’d just grabbed my purse when the strap snapped and everything in it went falling to the floor. While on my knees, shoving everything back inside, I picked up Ms. Cybil’s business card. With no regard for what I was actually doing, I dialed her number right then and there.

  “Lily, my dear, are you going to hang up this time, or actually speak?”

  I rolled my eyes realizing she knew I’d called before and chickened out. She knew my cell number, and I hadn’t given it to her. “I want to meet. Are you free now?”

  “May I ask why you’re so eager to meet?”

  Already I was regretting the phone call, knowing she was going to give me that ‘told you so’ look. I knew my decisions weren’t what others would do, but they worked for me, at least until I could figure something else out. “I’d rather not discuss it.”

  “I’ll be home in a half hour. Meet me there.”

  She hung up the phone before I could reply. Though I found it rude, a dismissal wasn’t necessary. I was either going to show up or not.

  Eli caught me on my way out. He grabbed at my arm the way that Charlie had, except I didn’t jerk away from him. “You weren’t going to say goodbye?”

  “I have an appointment I forgot about.”

  “Am I overstepping the friend boundaries if I ask where?”

  “Probably.” Maybe I should have felt like he was prying, but Eli wasn’t that type of person. He’d genuinely helped me out without anything in return. His asking me out had never made me feel awkward. We got along great, so it was only natural for him to be curious. “If I tell you that I’m okay will you feel better?”

  “Is it the truth?”

  I sighed and then put on my very best smile. “Yes. I am going to be fine.”

  Eli lifted his hand as if he were going to touch my face. Instinctively I closed my eyes, and waited to feel his kind gesture, but it never happened.

  I opened my eyes to see him looking
down. “Lily, I’ve got to be honest with you. I can’t watch you suffer like this. You’re miserable and your kids wouldn’t want that, no matter what you think. I’m not saying this because I want to date you. I mean, yes, I would like to take you out, but this has nothing to do with that. In the couple months that we’ve known each other I’ve listened to how miserable you are. I know you’re hurt and you’re scared. There is no good solution to all of this. The shit has to get worse before it can get better. Trust me, I know.”

  “You’re a good man and a great friend. Thank you.” I reached on my tippy toes and kissed Eli on his cheek. “I appreciate your honesty.”

  As I pulled away our eyes locked, and I should have seen the intent in his eyes before he could react. Eli grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back into the filing room. I knew what was coming, and I couldn’t resist. Not this time. His lips were on mine as I was being pressed against the door. I didn’t fight his tongue when it entered my mouth, nor did I remove his hands that were gliding up underneath of my shirt. This wasn’t my husband that I’d promised to be faithful to forever, and yet I liked it. I craved it. I wanted to have his hands on every inch of my body.

  After intensely kissing for a good few minutes, he pulled away and rested his lips gently over mine. “Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” His hands lingered over my ribs, almost to where my bra line sat. “You’re so beautiful. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

  I had a choice to pull away, or to kiss him again. The angel and the demon were sitting on both of my shoulders as I weighed my options. In the scheme of things I think I wanted both revenge and satisfaction. I needed to feel the attention of someone that wanted me, who hadn’t been fucking my friend for months behind my back.