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  My lips brushed over his so closely that I could feel his whiskers above. Fingertips reached the underwire to my bra and went underneath of it. He cupped both of my breasts in the palms of his hands, and I felt his thumbs sweeping over my nipples. A soft moan escaped me. With no regard for where we were I unfastened the button to his trousers and let my hand explore. Over his boxers I could feel his stiff erection. It made me hot between the legs, and I couldn’t remember feeling so excited to make out with a man. Our tongues mingled more as we mastered a technique. I loved how he moved his, both gentle and paced.

  Eli pulled away and removed his hands. He looked right at me when he lifted my hand out of his pants. “You don’t want this, Lily. You’re not ready.”

  “I didn’t stop you.”

  “Yeah, that’s the problem. You don’t regret it now, but you will, and I don’t want that. You just got done telling me that you valued our friendship and I take you into the filing room. I’m sorry I don’t know where my manners are lately. You make me crazy, Lily. It doesn’t matter if you come in here wearing sweat pants with your hair up. All I see is beauty. I’ve had my fair share of fast women, but you’re not like them. You’re a real lady and I admire that about you. What’s happening in your life shouldn’t change you.”

  “It won’t.” I wanted to continue kissing Eli, but he was certainly right. I needed time and I didn’t want to regret whatever was happening between us. “I agree with you on not taking this any further. I’m not going to lie and tell you that I don’t like you. I obviously do. It’s just…I’m still married to Charlie, and even though I know the relationship is over, we’re still together. I’m ashamed over it, but it’s my reality right now. In order to rectify the situation I’m going to do whatever it takes. You can worry about me if you choose. I can assure you that I won’t change. I won’t let this change me.”

  Eli kissed me on the forehead and let his lips linger there. “Promise me that when this is all over with we’ll have that date.”

  I looked up into his dark eyes. “Don’t forget I have three teenagers at home. You dating me means that you’d have to be able to deal with them too.”

  He smiled and caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. “I like kids.”

  It gave me butterflies to hear him say that. Eli was too good to be true, and I was going to have to distance myself from him if I wanted to be able to make it out of this situation in one piece. “I have to get going.”

  I stole one more kiss from his sweet lips before pulling away and turning to leave. He grabbed my hand forcing me to stop. “Lily, if you’re in trouble let me help you.”

  “I can’t be in your debt, Eli. I’m not in trouble. I’m just weighing my options, that’s all.”

  He watched me leave, which made me more uncomfortable. I wanted to walk out of there with my head held high, determined to do whatever it took to get out of my situation. Instead I had doubt that I’d ever be able to do what needed to be done.

  Chapter 5

  The drive to Ms. Cybil’s house was even worse for my conscience. I wanted to be able to say that I could handle anything; that I could do what needed to be done for the sake of my future, but now I wasn’t too sure. I’d been with three people my whole life, and two of them were in school, so it wasn’t like I learned much of anything on the subject. My husband had been the only man I’d been with for over seventeen years. Imagining sleeping with a stranger and not knowing things was even worse.

  Before I could turn around and forget I ever made the phone call, the gates were opening, welcoming me on the estate. I pulled up in the lavish driveway and parked my minivan behind a Porsche. When I clicked on the lock button on the vehicle I laughed out loud, imagining someone wanting anything from my mom-mobile, when something extravagant sat right next to it.

  Yeah, definitely pathetic.

  Ms. Cybil met me at the door and grabbed my hand. “I wasn’t sure you’d show up.”

  “Me either.”

  We kept walking back to a part of the home I’d never been in. “Dear, all of my employees are afraid at first. It makes you human. What you need to understand is that it is in the human nature to explore our sexuality. I’m not saying that this lifestyle is for everyone, but most will admit that they come to enjoy it.”

  I was thinking to myself that she must be crazy. There was no way I was going to enjoy some stranger, with a hairy back, trying to touch and kiss all over me. If some old man thought he could stick his semi erect penis inside of my vagina he had another thing coming. “Can we sit? I feel nauseous.”

  She led me to an office and pulled out a chair for me. “Lily, no one forced you to come here.”

  I got right to the point. “The men…are they all old and disgusting?”

  She laughed. “On occasion they are, but for the most part they are well-known men that take great care of themselves.”

  I covered my face with my hands. “I don’t know whether I can do this.” Imagining it in my head was becoming more difficult.

  When I closed my eyes I saw whips and chains, giant anal beads, and floggers that the big hairy men want to whip me with.

  She sat across from me and crossed her legs in her chair. “I think you need to know what my girls do, before you start to clam up and I’ll need to call the paramedics.”

  Her joke didn’t make me smile.

  “Lily, how much money do you want to make, let’s say in one week? How much do you make now?”

  “After working at the diner, and then working off my attorney fees, I bring home about one-hundred and fifty a week, including tips.”

  She started laughing. “What would you say if I told you that in two hours you’d make a thousand dollars cash?”

  All I could see were dollar signs. I wouldn’t have to sneak around every day and make up excuses for being exhausted. “Two hours?”

  I’d have twenty-two more hours to be a mom.

  She nodded. “I have several mothers that have only one client. They work a couple hours a week, meet at the same place, and walk away with all of the money they need.”

  “So I wouldn’t have to sleep with a ton of random people? I could just have one client?”

  “If that’s all you wanted. Of course, if you needed more money there are always new clients, or one-time travelers that require company.”

  In a matter of minutes I’d turned around and changed my mind again. “A thousand dollars?” Yes, I needed her to say it again.

  She laughed, as if my comment was funny. “Yes. I charge fifteen hundred for the first two hours and a thousand per hour after that. If they want an over-night, the fee is five-grand. In your situation I realize that over-nights will be difficult.”

  “Do I get to pick my client? I’m sorry I’m not trying to be annoying. It’s just that I need to be able to know I can go through with it.”

  “Before I let you work for me you’ll have to go through two training sessions.”

  “Training?” I giggled. “Seriously?” Was she going to teach me how to suck a dick or squirt? I didn’t understand at all.

  “Yes, seriously. My girls need to know what they’re doing. They need to know how to control their emotions and do their job.”

  My hands felt sweaty and I rubbed them over my pants. “What is the training?”

  “It involves two specific sexual encounters. Penetration is not required, so don’t go worrying about the amount of partners you’ll be with. I need to make sure you can handle being with a stranger, and letting yourself open up to suggestion.”

  I still felt like she was insane. There was no way I could be like that with someone I didn’t know.

  “Lily, I can promise you that if you decide that you can’t go through with it there will be no hard feelings. You can walk away and go right back to the diner making one-hundred and fifty dollars a week.”

  She’d said that on purpose to reiterate that I didn’t have shit.

  It was a loaded statement. She was reminding me
how shitty my life was, and that if I did this, and went through with it, I’d be able to provide for my children. “The clients. Are they clean?”

  “Yes.” She leaned forward placing her hands against the desk as she reached down and pulled out a piece of paper. “This is a physical form. I require both my clients and my employees to have all of their blood-work run monthly. I have an associate that will meet you and draw your blood at your convenience. Some like to do it when they pick up their paychecks.”

  “Paychecks? What does the paystub say?” I was freaking out. Did it say ‘sex for hire’, or ‘Cybil’s Whore Service’, maybe ‘Granddaddy’s Slut Factory’?

  “I told you before that I’ve purchased real estate as well as started legit businesses. Your paystub will be from one of those. I own three laundry mats, two massage parlors, and two salons. I also own a hotel located downtown, where most of our business takes place. Surely we can pick one of those to keep you safe.”

  “And you’ve never been caught?”

  She was like Wonder Woman, without the costume and lasso.

  “Let’s just say that half of the police department, as well as some federal officials have me on their speed dial. I even have two officers that work for me part-time for extra cash during the holidays. Dear, we all have bills. There were prostitutes in the bible. This isn’t anything new. People like to look down on what I do, but I’m looking back at them wealthier than they’ll ever be. At the end of the day this is your choice. I don’t usually invite girls to my home like I did you. There is no need for me to recruit, not when most come willing.”

  I sat quietly for a moment and thought about everything she’d said. While considering any other options I could take I heard something mechanical running. A few seconds passed and I heard the sound again.

  “That’s one of my children. We have dinner once a week. They usually pull in the garage, and unfortunately this office is next to it.”

  I stood up, not wanting to keep her from her kids. “I’ll just be going then.”

  She stood with me. “Lily, don’t worry yourself too much over this. If you don’t want to do it no one will ever bother you. It’s your decision.”

  I looked her right in the eyes and thought about all of the things she had. I didn’t want to be rich, but I certainly wanted to be able to provide for my kids. If I could have only one client for a couple hours out of the week it would bring in a grand. I could do a lot with four thousand bucks a month and I’d also be able to be there for every soccer game, wrestling match, or whatever my kids needed. No matter how hard it was going to be at first, I was going to try it. Just like Cybil said, it was only sex. “I’ll do it. When can we get started with the blood tests and physical?”

  “You can get the physical done with your regular doctor.” She walked over to a cabinet and pulled out some more paperwork. “Give this to them and have them fax the results to the number on the back.”

  I looked down at the paperwork and noticed it was a life-insurance company. “Life insurance?” Seriously, she was Wonder Woman.

  “I offer my girls life-insurance as well as health. It also covers the constant blood tests.”

  “You’ve thought of everything.”

  “I’ve been doing this for a long time. Schedule your appointment and when I get the results I’ll call you about the two sessions.”

  “Can we do them soon?”

  She laughed. “I know you’re wanting out of your situation. As soon as I hear from the doctors I will contact you. Doing two sessions in one day may be difficult for you, especially if you have complications in the first.”

  As afraid as I was, I knew if I stayed determined then I wouldn’t change my mind. “Okay. I’ll call the doctor as soon as I leave here.”

  She reached for my hand and held it as she spoke. “I look forward to hearing from you, dear.”

  I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t cry on the way home. It was devastating to me to know that my life had come to this. After so many years of being faithful and honest to my husband, he’d destroyed me. I had to go through with this because I had to be able to provide for my kids. Sure, Charlie would be required to pay child support, but I wanted to do it on my own, without his handouts. Hopefully he and Kate would both lose their jobs and become bums on the street, panhandling for their next meals and a bottle of cheap rum. Imagining that made me smile.

  On the way home I also thought about Eli, and how kissing him made me feel things that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I could only imagine what sleeping with him would be like. Then I thought about dating him. The idea of secretly being a whore made me cringe again. He’d never want to be with a woman like that.

  As much as I wanted to know more about Eli I had to put my kids first. Dating was not something I was going to be able to do for a very long time.

  When I got home Charlie was pulling up outside with the car full of our children. I greeted the kids, but never made eye contact with their father. He could sit around and mope until the cows came home. That fuck earlier was the last he was ever going to get.

  We made it until after dinner before I looked at him, and even later in the evening before I could say anything. Thankfully he waited until the kids were asleep to address our situation. I’d just gotten out of the shower, where I thought about touching myself and then about Eli, and walked into the bedroom to dress.

  I could feel his cheating eyes watching me as I pulled on a pair of underwear and nightgown. “Are you going to say anything?”

  I climbed into the bed next to him. “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “Lil, I know I hurt you, but -.”

  “But what? I need time Charlie. I can’t just forgive you and move on like it never happened.”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  I faced him. “Really, because it feels like it was today. Seriously, unless you want to sleep on the damn couch I suggest you shut the hell up and leave me alone.”

  I rolled over and covered myself up.

  “Where did you go today?”

  “I drove my van to a parking lot and cried all day. Are you happy now?” I wanted to smile in an evil way, knowing that it wasn’t where I’d gone. Telling him that I secretly made out with my divorce lawyer wasn’t really how I wanted to answer either.

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Lil.”

  “Goodnight, Charlie.”

  Chapter 6

  That next morning Charlie went back to the office. He tried to kiss me goodbye, but I rolled over to avoid it. He knew I was hurt and pissed, regardless of what truth I knew.

  As soon as he and the kids were gone I’d called my doctor’s office. Since I agreed to see the nurse practitioner they squeezed me in the same day. Two hours later I left the office and headed right to the diner. Before walking inside I got a text message from Eli. I knew it was him because I’d put his name as Eliza, in case the kids or my husband saw it. I knew I was getting as bad as Charlie, but he’d done the damage to our marriage, not me.

  I just want to know if you’re okay. – E

  I wrote back. I told you I was fine. – L

  If you need to talk I’m here. – E

  I know where to find you. – L

  It was weird how after so many years I’d only ever thought about Charlie, but now Eli held my thoughts in the man department. It was so new and exciting, and scary at the same time. I felt myself getting flush when I thought about our kissing, and groping. I wondered if he’d think my tits were too small, or that the freckles on my back weren’t appealing. It was silly, but true.

  My day at the diner dragged, and Eli had court all week, so working at the office was just as boring. By the time I got home I went straight to lie down. In fact, for the next three days I had the same routine. I was too depressed and emotionally exhausted to deal with Charlie, so playing the sick card to the kids solved it temporarily.

  Ms. Cybil called me after the third day, and I wasn’t sure if I was happy or fr
ightened about it.

  “Lily, how are you doing?”

  Miserable.

  Alone.

  Suicidal.

  “I’ve been better.”

  “I got your results this morning. Are you still interested in the position?”

  At least he hadn’t given me herpes.

  I looked around the living room, at the couch, the rugs, the mantel, and all of the pictures of my family; my children, and knew what I had to do. “Yes. I’m interested.”

  “Can you be here tomorrow morning around ten for your first training session?”

  “Are you going to re-teach me how to have sex?” I had to ask.

  “No dear. I’m going to teach you how to let go of your fears and enjoy your job.”

  “I doubt it, but I’ll be there with shiny bells on. I need the money desperately, and I’ll do my best at whatever it is I need to do.”

  “See you then.” She hung up without saying anything else. I didn’t know if she was busy, or didn’t like my sarcasm. Since I needed this to pan out, I had to be more careful about what I chose to say to the woman.

  That next morning I thought I was seriously going to be sick. Why I’d considered that sleeping with a stranger for money was a good solution boggled me.

  I thought about so much that my head was pounding. After downing three pain killers, I got myself ready for the biggest mistake of my life.

  It was for my kids.

  I had to do it.

  I had to get away from my husband.

  It was just my body. He wouldn’t have my soul.

  Hookers were in the bible.

  It didn’t help when I messaged Eli and let him know that I may not be in the office. He replied back immediately.

  Are you okay? – E

  Yes. Have an appointment. – L

  Are you sick? – E

  He cared too much, only reminding me that I’d never have someone like him to hold me at night, especially not since I was about to become a whore.

  Nothing like that. I will message you later. Thanks, friend. – L