Love's Suicide Read online

  On the way to work that next morning, I sat in my car and dialed the number. It rang five times before he picked up and when I heard his voice I hung up quickly.

  My heart was racing and I couldn’t believe that I’d done something so silly.

  When my phone started to ring and the same number showed up, I knew I had to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “What, did you change your mind or something? Is my voice not as sexy as it was before?”

  I had no idea why, but I burst into laughter. Of all the things he could have said, he’d broken the ice with that statement. “Your voice is fine. I just… I had to sneak to get your number and I don’t really know why I’m calling. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Is it everything you wanted it to be?” he teased.

  “All that and then some,” I joked back.

  “I miss you, Kat. It gets real lonely sometimes. On nights like that I wish I could call you and talk about damn near anything to pass the time. You and I never ran out of things to talk about, did we?”

  I traced my steering wheel, feeling warm tears running down my face. When I sniffled, he must have known I was emotional. “Please don’t cry.”

  “I can’t help it. I think Branch is keeping us from each other and I don’t understand. We’re family, and he knows how important you’ve always been to me. You’re thousands of miles away. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want us talking.”

  “Kat, Branch found the letter. He went into my room after you fell asleep and read it. He called me that morning, before you woke up.”

  “What?” I was in shock. Branch had known the whole time and never said a word to me.

  “Yeah. Do you really think that I would talk to everyone else on the phone and not you? If I had to pick anyone to call, you’d be my first choice.”

  I started worrying about what Branch had said to his brother. After all, he’d written about sneaking into my room, so Branch knew I’d been with his brother. “He knows about what we did.”

  “Yup. He knows.”

  “What did he say to you? Did he threaten you? Do your parents know?”

  Brooks got quiet for a second, and I heard him saying something to a man before telling me to hang on. The background noise changed, and I realized he’d walked somewhere else for privacy. “Kat, he doesn’t blame you. You didn’t even know which, I’m just going to put it out there, it’s sort of weird. I know I’m a way better lover than my brother, but that’s beside the point.”

  A tiny giggle escaped me when I realized he was trying to be funny in the midst of chaos.

  “Anyway, we had words and he made threats. It’s why I wasn’t going to come to the wedding.”

  “You have to come, Brooks. I want you there.”

  “Yeah, I heard. When he called to tell me the date had been moved up, I was shocked I was invited again. He’s pretty much said that if I come within ten feet of you and he isn’t around he’s going to kill me with his bare hands. Honestly, I’d like to see that fucker try it. After all this time, I’m pretty sure I’d rip him apart.”

  “Okay, I don’t need to know all that. Forgive me for saying that, but I find it hard to believe that he’s never confronted me about us being together.”

  “Kat, you’re innocent in all of this. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t even know you saw the letter. He thinks I left it under my pillow and you never found it. At least, that’s what I convinced him happened. As far as you know, we’ve never done anything. It’s all on me.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I think you know why.” My stomach dropped when he said it. I hadn’t called him to hear him saying things like that. I called him because I’d missed my friend.

  “Brooks, I want you at the wedding, and Branch isn’t going to touch you. I appreciate that you kept me out of it, but it doesn’t change anything either way. I’m marrying Branch because I love him and we have a life together. I hope you understand that.”

  It hurt me to say it. I knew he cared about me deeply, but I feared for a huge confrontation between him and Branch. To keep the peace, I had to hide any feelings that I had for him deep inside.

  “I get it, Kat. I’ll be there for you on your special day and I won’t cause problems. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

  Didn’t he know that his leaving tore me apart? “Thank you.”

  “Listen, I need to go.”

  “Wait.” I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. “Can I call you again?”

  “You can, but you may want to use someone else’s phone. Branch may act all innocent, but I guarantee he checks your phone bill for my number. You’ve got a month to come up with a good excuse as to what we talked about and why you called me today.”

  “I’ll handle it.”

  “Bye, Kat.”

  “Bye, Brooks.”

  I didn’t go to work. Instead I went home and crawled into my bed, where I cried for the whole day. Branch may not have been running around cheating on me, but he was certainly hiding things. I didn’t want to start our marriage like that, but knew at some point it would have to be addressed.

  Chapter 7

  October-November 2010

  The wedding was just two months away, and believe it or not, I had everything in order. Finals were scheduled for November for three of my classes, so I’d have time to run around once school was over.

  Branch was busier with school than I was. He’d doubled up on classes and decided he was going to stay in school for another year and work his ass off for a higher degree. He assured me that it would benefit our future.

  I don’t want to say that a wedge had formed between us, because I was extremely excited to become his wife, but the lingering secrets he was keeping from me still didn’t sit well. I wanted a marriage where we could tell each other everything. It was understood that Brooks would always be someone special to me, but I couldn’t just cut him out of my life.

  With that being said, I called Brooks at least once a week, using a phone at my workplace. I understood that I was sneaking around, but I wasn’t doing anything bad. We weren’t talking about being together; in fact it never even came up. We talked about work, school and things that Brooks had gotten into since joining the military. Finally, after so long, I felt like my life wasn’t missing anything. I knew he wasn’t back, but talking to him filled the void of him leaving.

  One thing I did notice was that the happier I was, the more strange Branch was acting. He started bringing me flowers every Friday. I wasn’t complaining. The thought meant a lot. Maybe it was just my guilty conscience, but I felt like he knew I was talking to Brooks. By November he was showering me with gifts and doing everything to help with the wedding. I appreciated it, but remained skeptical, like he had ulterior motives.

  By Thanksgiving, the wedding jitters were back in full force. They got so overwhelming that I took on extra shifts to keep myself busy. I stopped calling Brooks, in fear of telling him that I was nervous and him taking it the wrong way. We hadn’t spoken about feelings, but it was no secret that he still loved me.

  The last thing I needed was him telling me that I was choosing the wrong brother.

  AGAIN.

  When he hadn’t heard from me in three weeks, he called my cell phone.

  I’d erased his number, but knew when it said Texas, that it was him.

  “Brooks, now isn’t a good time.”

  “Why haven’t you called me, Kat? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I lied.

  “I know you better than that. Did I say or do something that made you mad?”

  “No. It’s not you. It’s me.”

  “So, I guess we’re breaking up?” He was trying to make me laugh.

  When I didn’t say anything, he changed his approach. “You can tell me anything.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Has he hurt you?”

  “No. Of course not. I guess how I’m feeling is normal.”
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  “When’s the last time you ate? You know you have to take care of yourself, and you forget to eat when you’re stressed.” I was shocked that after all these years he still remembered the little things, where Branch had never asked or noticed that, and we lived together.

  “I’m fine, Brooks. I’ve just been busy and nervous.”

  “I worry when you don’t call.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Kat, you know you don’t have to go through with this. You have a choice. You always have. If you aren’t sure about being with Branch for the rest of your life, then don’t do it.”

  It was the first time that he’d talked about me leaving his brother. “Why would you think that?”

  “Isn’t it true?”

  “No!” He couldn’t talk to me like that.

  “Okay. Whatever you say. I’m just telling you that you’re allowed to change your mind.”

  “Why would I change my mind? Do you honestly think I’m in love with you?” I couldn’t believe that I’d said it out loud and I surely wasn’t prepared for how he answered.

  “Yeah. I do.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Arguing with him was only going to make my thing even more frustrating.

  So I hung up.

  Brooks didn’t call me back and he didn’t try to call me during Thanksgiving.

  As the weeks got closer to the wedding, I started to feel better. I kept focused on what needed to be done and avoided negative thoughts.

  We spent the holiday with the family, and I avoided going into Brooks’ room. Branch was especially affectionate, and it reminded me why I was marrying him. He’d been by my side since we were children, and I knew I could count on him to give us the best future possible.

  A few nights later, Branch took me out to celebrate our upcoming nuptials. He made me get dressed up and surprised me by taking me to a five-star steak restaurant.

  We were seated down in a section all alone. Being that it was a Monday, I just figured that it was probably a night where they weren’t packed. The lighting was low and candles lit our table.

  After we sat down, we were immediately offered a glass of wine and given our menus. “This is really nice,” I whispered as the waiter walked away.

  “I only want the best for my girl, Katy. You deserve to be treated like a princess.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far. I’m just my normal self. I have flaws, like everyone else.”

  “You’re perfect to me. You always have been.”

  I reached over the table and took his hand. “I love you, Branch.”

  He smiled, seemingly pleased with the moment. “The big day is coming up. Are you getting nervous?”

  “Of course not.” I pulled my hand away and acted offended, even though his question was closer to home than he probably knew.

  “I just want everything to be perfect. Once we’re married all of your worries will fade away. I’m going to make you happy, you know.”

  “Yeah, I do know that you’ll take care of me. You’re a good man, Branch. I’m lucky to have found you so early on in life. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

  He said something snarky under his breath and waved to the waiter to tell him we were ready to order, even though I’d barely looked at the menu. He didn’t look at me when he said his next comment. “You should just be glad you ended up with me instead of Brooks. He never could have made you happy anyway.”

  I don’t know why I felt like I had to defend Brooks, but I slammed the menu shut and waved away the waiter before speaking my mind. “Don’t even go there with me, Branch. I can’t believe that you brought that up. What did he ever do to you?”

  He folded his hands and put this annoyingly fake smile on. “Where do I even begin? Let’s start with our first kiss. Do you remember it?”

  I shook my head and acted like it was petty to be bringing up, especially in such a nice place. “Are we seriously talking about the day before my parents died?”

  “Yeah, Katy. We are.” He shook his head. “My dear brother waited for me to walk away before trying to get more action.”

  “We were twelve, Branch. Are you seriously telling me that you’re holding a grudge over something that happened that long ago?”

  “You’re damn right I am. If you knew half of what he’s done, you wouldn’t be sitting there defending him.”

  That’s when it hit me. Branch still thought I didn’t know about Brooks coming into my room. He thought that if I found out I’d hate Brooks. Instead, it made me feel closer to him. I couldn’t explain it, but it was impossible for me to hate that I’d been with him. “Listen, no matter how bad you think he is, he’s still family. Nobody is perfect.”

  He finished off his glass of wine and slammed it down so hard I thought the glass was going to break. “Do you know what you want?”

  I shrugged. I wasn’t even hungry anymore. “Just order for me. I’m sure you know what’s best,” I said, sarcastically.

  Branch ordered and tried to change the subject, although I had tuned him out even before our next round of wine was poured. In his defense, I could see why he felt betrayed. Branch wasn’t exactly innocent himself. He’d threatened Brooks about me when we were kids and Brooks, being the considerate brother, stepped aside.

  After dinner, we drove home in silence. I didn’t have a nice thing that I could say to him, and I think he knew it. We went to bed angry, which was something I promised I would never do.

  That next morning I explained everything to Melissa. Well, most of it. Since I’d left out all of the negative things about Brooks, she was on my side. Had she known about Brooks doing the switch-a-roo thing she’d probably have a different opinion.

  “I don’t get it, Katy. You’re marrying him. What’s the big deal? I never saw Branch as being a jealous kind of guy. You two are so happy together.”

  “He isn’t jealous in general. It’s only when it has to do with Brooks.”

  She shook her head and laughed. “Girl, I wish I had the man problems that you have.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true. Anyway, maybe after you’re wed Branch will finally settle down.”

  “Just help me get through things until then. I’m going to need the support.”

  She laughed and put her arm around me. “I’ve got your back, chick. Nobody’s going to ruin your day, I promise.”

  I wish that I could believe her, but a feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn’t go away. With less than a month to go, I worried more than ever if I was doing the right thing, and if I wasn’t, would I be able to walk away from both of them, to keep our family together?

  Chapter 8

  December 21st 2010

  I woke up next to Branch wide-eyed and smiling at me. “Good morning, beautiful.”

  After yawning and giving my arms a stretch I fell into his chest. “Good morning to you.”

  He rubbed my back as he spoke. “You ready to get up and head to the hotel, where we’ll be married tomorrow?”

  I leaned up and kissed him. “Yes.”

  We’d been getting along better after our date night from Hell weeks ago. As long as we didn’t talk about his brother, everything was fine with the world. Our sex life sucked, but considering the stress we were under, I felt it to be normal.

  While getting ready, I silently thought about seeing him again after so long. I’d missed him so much, but didn’t want to offend Branch the night before our wedding. We just needed to get through the rehearsal dinner and wake up and get married. It was going to be easy enough.

  Branch and I had much to discuss on our way to the city, like what time people were arriving and where I needed him to be. I’d also booked everyone’s room in advance, putting me and Melissa on a separate floor than him and his brother. After all, it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride, so we were spending the night apart.

  My jitters weren’t really apparent anymore, as I just wanted to be married so we could finally sto
p living on edge. Once Branch knew that I’d committed my life to him, he’d be able to settle down and let Brooks back into our life.

  I wasn’t asking to spend every moment with him, but seeing him every few months would have been nice.

  We’d arrived at the hotel before anyone else, and I couldn’t help but watch the sliding glass doors for Brooks to enter. It had been so long, and even though I knew Branch was going to be mad, I wanted to at least say hello.

  When Danica and Walt arrived, they had a bunch of things to carry. Branch headed outside to give them a hand, while I was talking to the concierge about the banquet room and what time we would be able to get in and start setting up.

  Now, there is something to be said about any man in a uniform. It’s like it makes even the most non-attractive man much hotter, but when I heard someone behind me clearing his voice and turned around to see him in full military fatigues, I thought I was going to pass out.

  He sat his bags down and opened his arms for me. Without regard for who could see us, I fell right into him, not willing to let go. “I missed you so much,” he said into my hair.

  I pulled away and looked up at him. He’d changed.

  His baby face was gone and replaced with a roughly shaven, more squared jaw. His hair was short, around the same length as his brothers, except his was covered by a hat. Those blue eyes that I looked into every single day shone back at me, but were somehow different than Branch’s. “It’s been a long time.”

  He smiled and wouldn’t stop looking at me. “You look great, Kat.”

  “Can I help you, sir?” The lady behind the desk interrupted.

  He stepped forward and pulled out his wallet. “I’m here to check in. The name is Valentine, Brooks Valentine.”

  I stayed back letting him finish his transaction. I couldn’t explain it, but it seemed like I’d forgotten what I was there for in the first place. All I wanted to do was sit down and have a drink with this person that I’d known my whole life.